If you're like me at all, you've been on the receiving and giving end of expectations like these; that exhaust, deplete and discourage. Whether at work or home.
Cue the music: “What's the Name of the Game?" -Abba
Here's where I had a self-reflecting ugh moment:
We don't always know we have expectations until they aren't met.-Laura Torres
Oh yes, those covert unspoken expectations. Think back to a time you felt stressed, disappointment, possibly resentment or angst. Was there possibly an expectation unmet? An expectation that was unclear, unkind, inconsistent or maybe not spoken but still expected by you?
The reality is:
-most of us are feeling some level of exhaustion.
-our conversations are often occurring in sound bytes at the speed of light.
-we are vulnerable to unintentionally sabotaging communication that builds connections both at work and home.
At work: We onboard by giving minimal training to a new hire and expect excellent performance and maybe communicate frustration when there are questions or mistakes. Spoiler alert: This doesn't end well and often retention takes a hit.
At home: We have expectations of receiving help from a spouse/partner but don't ask or are vague in stating what would actually be helpful. Maybe with a child/teen we give minimal instruction and then expect a standard not realistic or even developmentally appropriate.
The good news is we can shift and grow more of what those we influence [and ourselves] crave and need to safely innovate, learn and contribute. To connect in ways that build resilience in themselves [and ourselves] along with strengthening the organization [whether it is a company or family].
The mundane matters.
We can start in the mundane moments. We can practice in the everyday conversations, that may seem unimportant, yet that's where we develop resilience boosting habits to fall back on in the more difficult conversations.
As we communicate here are three intentions that can transform how we initiate and participate in conversations about expectations:
Ask yourself if there is someone you have an expectation for that you have not clarified kindly or consistently with that is impacting trust and ultimately a sense of safety?
If yes, take the step to clarify kindly, to share the WHY behind the expectation and to support as they learn and contribute.
Note TO SELF: We can often have expectations for ourselves that are unclear, unkind and inconsistent. If left unchecked, we lead ourselves into shame and exhausting shoulds. Don't forget to tend to your own table. This is soul work, not solo.
Coaching conversations are designed to weave your natural strengths [Clifton Strengths Assessment] with research-based strategies to reach your goals. Understand more deeply what your strengths look, feel and function like when healthy and balanced, over functioning and even potentially creating dysfunction that sabotages the very progress or outcome you desire. Explore coaching options here.
Strategic Resilience Course.
A five 1-hour focused virtual course, rooted in research and integrating practical strategies to build resilience individually and on teams.
Strengths & Strategies Coaching Cohort for Women.
Participants have one individual coaching session with Sandy utilizing Clifton Strengths Assessment followed by four interactive group coaching sessions discovering strategies to leveraging natural strengths during change, challenge and communication.