Hey Leaders,
There was a sentence that sparked a moment at our recent Ezer Collective gatherings in Minneapolis and San Francisco, taking our conversations and processing to a completely different level:
Loyalty is not a fruit of the Spirit.
It's not a line I can take the credit for. But when I read it on author & therapist KJ Ramsey's Instagram page months ago (@kjramseywrites July 5th, 2022 ), it arrested my attention because it summarized many delicate, incredibly honest conversations I've had with fellow leaders over the years.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines loyal as 'unswerving in allegiance' and notes that loyalty 'implies a faithfulness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert, or betray'. Drop the word loyalty in Merriam- Webster's online thesaurus search and you'll find these words listed under the section Synonyms and Similar Words:
Allegiance. Devotion. Fidelity. Trustworthiness. Dedication. Dependability. Fondness. Attachment. Commitment.
In short, loyalty is kind of a big deal. But how big of a deal is it? And how big of a deal should it be?
Loyalty is a valued quality when found in team members, apprentices, and interns. It's seen as an essential trait in those who work in close proximity to leaders of teams, departments, organizations, churches and beyond. Loyalty secures the bond in a team as they work and stand together through the good times and the challenging times. In some contexts, loyalty can be seen as the spiritual thing to be and do.
And yet as I've found in countless conversations over the years and at our Ezer Gatherings, not everything done or expected in the name of loyalty is good. Sometimes its concerning. Sometimes things done in the name of loyalty is bad and damaging:
Leaders overworked and used.
Leaders woefully underpaid with no room for conversation or negotiation.
No permission or room to question leadership decisions or to expect accountability.
Turning a blind eye to persistent problems or chronic dysfunction in a leadership team or department.
Ignoring patterns of bad behavior or chronic dysfunction in leaders and bosses.
Minimizing, getting defensive or aggressively refuting reports of patterns bad behavior or chronic dysfunction in leaders.
Team members and leaders endured sexual harassment/bullying/abuse and were advised to not make it public and sign the NDA (non-disclosure agreement) to protect an institution or a leader's reputation and career.
When the above issues happened in a church or a faith-based organization it was especially jarring. Spiritual sounding language was often used, giving people the impression that God wanted them to be loyal too. It didn't seem right, but who were they to go against God?
The conversations at Ezer went deep because too many leaders had been bound, bruised, and broken in the name of loyalty. These conversations gave way to all kinds of important, yet thoroughly uncomfortable questions. I invite you to consider the kind of questions we reflected on at our gatherings:
When is it loyalty… and when is it lying?
When is the expectation of loyalty manipulative and exploitative?
Where are you using loyalty as currency to get you what you want professionally? At what cost?
What if the story we keep telling ourselves about our situation isn't true?
What is actually going on when telling the truth and bringing things into the light without spin feels like betrayal?
