This morning — two years and two weeks after leaving social media — I found myself at a perfectly Instagrammable cafe in Santa Fe arranging a cute flat lay photo of my breakfast.

 

This photo wasn’t really for anyone. Not even for me, I don’t think, since it was destined for the never-explored annals of my camera roll.

 

But in the moment, I caught myself slipping back into Instagram-lizard-brain. 🦎 And then I wondered if I’ll ever deprogram from the urge to aestheticize and share perfect pictures of my life. 

 

Will that impulse stick around even when I’m three, four, ten, twenty years off the apps? Once ingrained, does it ever go away???

 

 

Beneath this question, I think, is a gentle nudge from myself to consider if I’m really off the apps.

 

Because I do have a finsta where I share dog pics and travel photos. Every time I log in there’s a backlog of cute videos that friends have left in my DMs while I was off-app. When I go to Chicago, I post a story letting folks know I’m in town, and I often see people I wouldn’t have made plans with otherwise.

 

I also have a Twitter account I check weekly, so I can understand all the memes my partner tells me about. Every time I log in, they’ve filled my inbox with funny takes and clever analysis. And I enjoy it!

 

So in some ways, I think I’ve just shifted from being a creator on social media to a consumer of social media. Maybe I’m a very-critically-aware-and-only-occasionally-logged-on consumer, but I’m a consumer nonetheless.

 

And as I reflect, I'm coming to understand that when I broke up with social media, what I actually broke up with was being an influencer. 

 

I quit my brand partnerships, abandoned my content pillars, and retreated into a more private life — one where I spend my time interacting with people I know, not just people who know me.

 

 

This breakup, however, has been thrown for a loop recently by the upswing in popularity of my podcast, Off the Grid.

 

After some of my favorite artists and creators found and shared the pod this spring (thanks Mar, Nicole & others!), it’s gone from averaging a quaint 150 downloads per episode to over 500 downloads per episode and climbing.

 

With this newfound attention, I find myself back in the influencer realm, just making content & recommendations on my podcast instead of on social media.

 

And in some ways, I love this! My Aries Sun / Gemini Moon combo says “I wanna be famous on the internet, yes please!”

 

But other parts of my psyche are raising different questions — asking me if I really want this. If it’s hypocritical. If it will all crumble because meaningful things can’t be built on shaky parasocial foundations.

 

Then the rebuttal to those thoughts chimes in — Am I keeping myself small or honoring my limits? Do I want my work to be widely heard or for a special few? Can I do enough energy work to hold lots of attention while staying sovereign to my own voice/goals/dreams?

 

 

As I sort out these questions, I’m reminded that there are differences between an influencer and a content creator. Influencers persuade, engage and impact while content creators educate, inform and create. At least that's what these tidy little graphics tell me. 🤷‍♀️

 

So maybe I’m a content creator and not an influencer. But maybe I also don’t want to be a content creator??? Can I make a podcast without being a content creator??Are all podcasts content?

 

I’m not sure about all podcasts, but I do think part of the reason people love Off the Grid is because it’s really great content! It’s informative, educational, and fun.

 

But it’s also not simply content. I am influencing. I’m selling things. I’m emphasizing my own personal experience. I’m hoping to have an impact.

 

So here's where I'm at after two years off social media—

 

With or without social media, I have things to say, wisdom to share, and plenty to teach! But how do I disentangle all that from the problems I see with the influencer-slash-content-creator business model? 

 

What are alternate paths forward for me? And for all of us?

 

Because I see you my writer/artist/podcaster babes out there who want to combine creativity & self-employment without becoming content-making machines on or off social media. 

 

I believe in us, even if I’m not totally sure what comes next for us. I mean, lately, I see Substack trying to be the answer to all these questions. But if leaving social media taught me anything, it’s don’t trust a free platform!

 

 

 

So thank you for being here, First name / friend. If you can’t tell by now, after two years off social media, I have more questions than answers about how I want to be online.

 

Either way, I'm grateful that you read these notes, and I hope you'll reply to tell me who you are, how you are, and maybe a bit about your relationship with social media lately.

 

I'm not sure when I'll be back in your inbox, but in the meantime you can find me on the Off the Grid podcast feed all summer long. ♡

xoxo, Amelia

 

♡ ways to work with me ♡

 

for dreamers who want to leave social media – get the free Leaving Social Media Toolkit

 

for business owners who want community & support –  join the Lifestyle Business League

 

for creatives, freelancers + beautiful people – sign up for Notion Nerd Night (it's free!)

& learn more about Living Systems, the course I co-teach seasonally

 

for (aspiring) podcasters – check out Softer Sounds for support launching or editing a show

 

 

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