Five years ago I took my first born son to swim lessons. When he went under while I was nursing beside the pool, I determined that it him learning to swim was an emergency. Convinced as I was that this needed to happen, handing him over to the swim teacher didn't feel an ounce less painful than watching him flail underwater a few weeks earlier. My mama bear instincts fought against what I knew was necessary. Day 2, the swim teacher suggested that I watch the lesson from somewhere he couldn't see me. I took deep breaths and told myself over and over that I wasn't abandoning him—I was equipping him. I held my newborn and silently watched from outside with tears streaming down my face. On day three, he cried as we entered the parking lot. My stomach dropped. But that day, as I handed over him to the teacher, he willingly went. And that day, he swam.

 

By the time our lessons concluded, my precious two-year-old was confidently calling out for me to watch him jump in. He was swimming, not just for safety, but for fun. He dove down to get diving rings and swam from place to place all summer. 

 

This year, I handed our third born son over to the teacher and as he cried, I felt empathy but none of the inner turmoil I had felt with his older brother. I nodded as our beloved swim teacher sang in his ear while patting his back, “I'm going to make you safe. You feel afraid, but I'm making you safe.” This little guy swam on day one, and now we can't stop him.

 

It felt like I was harming them, handing them over to a stranger, walking out instead of staying to watch, telling them that they had to finish when they called out for me to rescue them from a scary situation. It felt like I was putting them in danger, but I was making them safe. I sat poolside this week watching my boys play with delight and teased up as Hebrew 12:11 popped into my mind. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

 

My children giggled and splash in the water, swimming from place to place with joy and confidence. I hadn't harmed them, I had made them safe. I hadn't betrayed them, I had given them the gift of freedom and joy. And this experience of completing swim lessons with all three of my guys has taught me 2 things:

 

1. Sometimes discipline doesn't feel “right” because of the protests of our children, but it is making them safe. It is producing a harvest of righteousness and peace. Discipline is an act of love, even if it feels uncomfortable.

 

2. God's discipline doesn't always feel right to us. Sometimes it feels like he's left us, or that he doesn't love us because he's not intervening or ending our pain, but the reality is, discipline is always an act of love. We can trust his sovereignty because we trust his heart. When my kids finally learned to trust their swim teacher, their resignation gave way to rest, and they could learn; they could be trained. I want to see, in every painful circumstance, how God is forming me, and receive his discipline as an act of love.

What feels painful for you right now? How might God be using it to train you as a loving Father?

 

with humble gratitude,

 

So, last month, I gave you a sneak peak at the Series Title and Logo cast of my new kid's book series with The Good Book Company, and this month, I'm sharing the covers of the first two books in the series! These PRECIOUS lift-the-flap books are engaging and fun and are meant to resource you as you seek to train your child in right/wrong behaviors as well as the disciplines of practicing repentance and asking for help to obey! They point to Christ not just as an example, but as a source of bother forgiveness and power to change! Next month I'll share a little more about some FUN pre-order bonuses! EEEEP! I cannot wait for these books to release Sept. 1!

 

This is my go to response to whining right now. While I want to remain available to my kids for wisdom and counsel as long as I'm living, my goal around here is to get them to need me as little as possible. That's why my strategy in conflict resolution is to act not as a judge, but a facilitator, equipping them to make peace and resolve conflict on their own (I feel like this is 90% of my work as a mom rn, btw). Anyways, the same principle carries over into whining. While I want my boys to have humble hearts that are willing to ask for help, I also want them to do more than complain when they see something wrong, but to learn to see solutions and ask for help with specificity. Rather than playing into a victim mentality by coming to their rescue, or fostering a habit of hopelessness by always meeting their complaint with my solution, I want to train them to think of the solution on their own and ask for my help only if they really need it.

 

A real life example: If one of my boys says in a whiney voice: “Ugh, I can't reach this truck!” I might respond: “Hmmm, that is a problem, but you're a problem solver. How can I be part of the solution?” They hopefully will respond by saying, “May you please get that truck down for me?” or “May I please use the stool from the laundry room?”

 

Eventually, I hope their first thought, rather than frustration or self-pity, will be productive and resourceful.

 

I'm a big intrinsic rewards person. We don't do allowance for household chores. But after we had dinner with a family recently who had a lot of nerf guns, the big boys started begging for some. Rather than giving them jobs to earn them, I made a sticker chart, and told them that if they could fill it, they could have a nerf gun. Now, they can't ask for stickers, but I can hand them out when they are helpful, joyful, diligent, kind, obedient, or when I catch them doing something honorable. We've only been doing this for a few weeks, and it's transforming the culture of our home. My boys beam when they get a sticker, and not because they are closer to getting nerf guns. They need encouragement! They need to be told that their positive behaviors are noticed. I'm regularly reminding them that I don't love them more or less based on behavior, but this little exercise is helping me to be more positive and encouraging with them. I think it's also forming what we all pay attention to. My boys are paying attention to what the right thing to do is, and I am paying attention to what they're doing well, not just what they're doing wrong. 

 

I'm currently working on writing sample chapters for two book proposals that have been burning within me for years. Will you pray for me? Outlining the books, writing chapter summaries, choosing the best sample chapters to write, getting feedback, and then handing it all over to my agent to take to publishers is a process and it feels a little exposing. I feel really really grateful though to be at this point! A few years ago I could barely read and wondered if I would ever write again. I'm excited to see what God has in store for these ideas, which may just be shaping me through rejection. But I'm hopeful!

I love this question! Every single time we correct our children's behavior, we have an opportunity to share the gospel with them. The framework here is, “Hey, you cannot be perfect, the good news is, Jesus was perfect for you. He lived the life you never could, died for your forgiveness, and was raised so you could also defeat sin. Let's pray and ask for his forgiveness, and then let's ask his Holy Spirit for help in this place we're struggling.” We also share the gospel with them in the way that we respond to our own failures and practice repair!

 

I feel the frustration behind this one! But having three boys myself, I'm guessing that your boys might just have a regular amount of energy rather than an absurd amount of energy. At the risk of you thinking less of me for equating children with dogs, I'll offer what I believe to be a helpful analogy. When you look to get a certain breed of puppy, there will usually be a description of how much exercise they need. When they don't get that amount of exercise, they will misbehave. The same is true for kids! Get them outside, often! Take them to places where they have lots of space and can move their bodies. Throw things for them to retrieve that requires racing or sprinting! Go for walks with scooters. When our family does this early in the day, we tend to have better days. It gives us all a break from my correction/ having to follow commands and lets me just delight in them. If I get tired of my voice, I know they do! The second thing I would say is something I picked up from my oldest son's OT. She said to play games like red light, green light or freeze dance parties to build his self control muscles! The sticker chart I referenced earlier has helped too! And never neglect prayer!

 

At the advice of a veteran homeschool mom of 5 (whose kids are all grown now), I am doing “one thing a day" with my kids. They can choose reading, math, or handwriting and do just a little bit of review with me. We don't always get to it, but when we do, it's actually kind of fun. My husband David still reads a kids' Bible at breakfast with them when we're home. But honestly, our routines are mostly built around water. On Monday mornings I throw them in the car with a granola bar as soon as they wake up and we stay at the beach til the UV index gets high enough to need sunscreen, then we go home. Thursday nights we meet friends at the beach for Pic Nic dinner and play. On Friday evenings we swim with David's extended family at his parents house. I have regular sitter hours to work and we keep our chore and car rhythm (Car wash/ clean out on Tuesdays and Saturdays). My summers are actually more of a break for me as a homeschool mom. I LOVE them. I would also suggest making a bucket list with your kids of all the things they'd like to do this summer and just plug them in the calendar to get your structure!

 

“The Puritan Thomas Watson said that sanctification, the process of change, “is heaven begun in the soul. Sanctification and glory differ only in degree: Sanctification is glory in the seed, and glory is sanctification in the flower.”

-Tim Chester 

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!