Dear First name / friend
I enjoyed that after last week's newsletter several of you got in touch to tell me your favourite colours, or some way in which it had got you thinking about colour; I hope you enjoyed a mindful moment reflecting on this. (I have just noticed that the colour theme for this newsletter and my website also appears to be a variation on pink…)
This week I want to talk to you about passion.
What comes up for you when you read that word? What does passion mean to you? For me, passion feels like dramatic, powerful, and overall, like a positive attribute to have. It reminds me of writing my personal statement for university and being warned against using the statement “I am passionate about medicine” because of how overused and therefore often slightly disingenuous it sounds. To be passionate about something often speaks to us about a display of deep love for something. You may describe yourself as being deeply passionate about running, reading, painting, playing music, or those around you might describe you as passionate about a particular hobby of yours.
Around Easter, you may notice talk of “Passion Plays" or “The Passion of Jesus". This is because passion literally means suffering. As therapist Robin Norwood writes in my current (albeit slightly confronting) read of Women Who Love Too Much: “in order for passion to exist, there needs to be a continuing struggle, obstacles to overcome, a yearning for more than is available”. Our society is suffused with the the romantic notion that it is generally admirable to suffer for your art; that on some level your willingness to endure pain and discomfort in the pursuit of your passion project is a measure of your commitment and love towards it.
In our culture, we have romanticised this notion of suffering and we have lost our understanding that the word passion comes directly from the Latin to suffer. Norwood writes that “frustration, suffering and yearning do not contribute to a stable, sustained, nurturing relationship” and reminds us that "the price we pay for passion is fear” - the fear of loss and endings and abandonment.
Norwood is writing about passion in the context of romantic relationships and maybe this is something you can relate to. However, I think it can also be extrapolated to include the way we approach our work and our hobbies: we do not have to suffer to prove our commitment to our work.
Do you feel that the more hours you put in the more dedicated you are to your work? Do you feel that suffering - either physically or mentally - for your job is a display of your commitment to it? When you think of your hobbies, are you enduring some level of suffering?
I can think of several cases with my cello playing where some suffering (frustration, yearning, excitement) has led to incredible highs. I don't think this is "bad", but I think having an awareness of your “passion projects” and the level of inherent suffering within those allows you to reflect on and improve the balance within them.
Mindful moment: Notice where in your life your passion takes you. What is your approach to your passion project? Are there elements of passion in your work? Are you able re-establish a little balance, to step back from albeit an exciting relationship and re-establish feelings of stability, comfort, consistency, safety and security? We do not have to lose passion altogether - that would be like always living with a tranquil blue sky above our heads - but we can develop compassion (to suffer with) where we notice our tendencies towards chasing the highs and step back to gain a little perspective and balance.
