Dear friend,

 

There's a phrase that says “what you resist most is what you need most.” For me, that thing is meditation. I know the benefits, I encourage my clients to do it and yet I still avoid it 😩. Research studies from Harvard and Yale show that meditation activates the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This is the portion of the brain that aids in stress management, cognitive and emotional processing as well as promoting overall well-being. This month I started a meditation challenge with a small group of friends. We are holding ourselves accountable to meditating 5 minutes each day and if we feel like being overachievers we can do a second meditation (I am yet to overachieve in this challenge). The first few days I sent my 🧘‍♀️ emoji as confirmation that my mission has been accomplished and I felt proud of myself for doing it.

 

Day four went a bit different. I was having frustrations around my new prosthetic leg. I put this process on the back burner due to the busyness of May (end of school field trips, band concert, baseball games, field day and then the kick-off to summer). OMG, why can't the school year just drift off into the sunset quietly?! Anyway, it's time for me to face the music as I resume working through some challenging stuff. The leg doesn’t feel right, the cosmetic cover isn’t working and my patience was wearing thin. I felt angry and frustrated, but what was really underneath it all was a deep sense of grief. A sadness for how hard this road has been for me and fear for how it may be in the future. 

 

I laid down on my bedroom floor and pushed play on the guided meditation. The voice spoke about the power of positive thoughts and sending my positive energy into the world. I felt annoyed and judgmental of both the meditation and myself. I usually enjoy this guided meditation, but today I felt my body recoil and resist the message. I felt zero good vibes and was not connecting with the message. Then I heard my inner voice say, “It’s ok to be upset.” This permission to allow my true feelings and stop resisting caused tears to fall down my face. I stayed present with myself and all the discomfort. As the 5 minute meditation ended, I still felt angry and sad. I went to send my obligatory accountability emoji. I decided to honestly share how it went, since these are incredibly trustworthy friends. I expressed how I was feeling and why. I was met with their support and an open space to share my experience. They didn't try to “fix it.” This was priceless.

 

For many of us, our childhood conditioning and society has done a phenomenal job of telling us these feelings aren’t helpful or safe. They say, we should just “get over it” and “toughen up.” I used to believe that too until I realized it didn’t work and the bravest thing I have ever done is be real with myself about how I am feeling.

 

All of this brought me back to a life coaching staple which is "your thoughts direct your reality." As a coach, I know that in order to not get stuck in this negative, angry headspace I must reframe to something stronger, more true. I reminded myself of how strong I am for being present during a hard time, instead of pushing the eject button and ignoring, numbing or invalidating myself. I reminded myself that I am capable of handling this challenge in front of me. I am no longer the little girl who didn’t know how to speak up for herself. I also reminded myself that I am supported by the universe and I am not alone. In fact, I am already being provided with people who have the capacity to hold space for me. And just like that my new mantra was born and I will use it until a more powerful mantra reveals itself (you can use it too 😘).

 

 

Here’s what I know for sure about life. We cannot live wholeheartedly or authentically if we ignore the darkness that comes from time to time. We cannot use toxic positivity to sprinkle glitter on everything and pretend our way to healing. It does’t work like that. Trust me, if that worked then I would have done it and this newsletter would be a “how to: step by step guide" on pretending your way to healing.

 

Instead, we must be brave enough to go to the hard places, reach out to trusted people and nurture trust within ourselves. THAT is the secret sauce and while it sounds simple, it’s not easy. Life is made up of uncomfortable moments and having the courage to embrace it all (especially when you don’t like it) nurtures a resilient spirit and the joyful moments get a little sweeter.

 

If you have kids and are looking for a little more structure in their day, I have created this Free Downloadable PDF for you! It's all about balance and creating healthy habits.