It wasn't a dream. It happened, by choice and it was the most liberating experience!
In March I auditioned for Mark Haim's “This Land Is Your Land” to be presented at the 90th season of the American Dance Festival, in Durham, NC. Fully aware and prepared that the piece contained full nudity from every cast member. When considering if I would be willing to do this the first thing I felt was curiosity… could I do this? I was intrigued… Watching the private video (ADF sent prior to the audition to fully understand the scope of the work) I felt awkward, yet pulled in. There was an elegance of humanness in the vast range of bodies I observed on the screen. It was raw, real, it made my heart pound yet my eyes were lock in. The bodies on the screen were riveting (naked and clothed). I wanted the job… I went to the audition… I was hired.
I had until May 31st to prepare… In a superficial effort to get “in shape” I moved more, I bumped up against old thought patterns around food, my body and negative self talk. I signed the contract and in a blink there I was, in a room full of basically strangers where we began to learn, grow, and connect, 14 cast members and Mark. I could talk for hours about the experiences day to day, the process, how we worked ourselves up, supported one another, became a family, the meanings revealed and evolution of each minuet of the piece, the breakdowns, the breakthroughs… AND
I DID IT.
I FLOATED NAKED.
Forward and back on stage. It was only a brief moment during the carefully crafted journey Mark created. It was a moment that I grew to love, even with hundreds of eyes on us. I felt at Ease. Connected. Alive. Human. Proud. Beautiful.
In the vast lessons this experience offered what is speaking to me now is…
I did quite possibly the scariest thing I could imagine myself doing… I was fucking naked on stage!!!
I knew what I was saying yes to when I was hired. This called to me. I did it mostly to challenge my perception, my thoughts, and my feeling towards myself. It did that and grew beyond anything I could imagine! It healed wounds I didn't know to be open. I felt the power of my choices. I relearned the courage and immense power of my own vulnerability. I gave myself permission to be me, in my skin, in my body. I celebrated each moment and each movement. I felt loved and seen. I fell in love with myself and the cast.
It was a moment that has me reflecting on so many other moments in my life where I make the choice to be love, to love, and be loved. To be seen and share my truth. To invite others in on this journey because it is truly a gift to know and recognize that we are not in it alone.
Yet I have found myself back at home, hiding.
Living with a cloud of doubt amidst the success of this run. Not speaking out about all the amazing choices I am making and creating.
Fearful that its not good enough. That I am not enough.
I started this love note 3 other ways to share about the ups and downs the past two months have served. Although I have chosen to live in the lessons of these fails, I am sharing this specifically to get out of my head and back into my body! To be fully seen, expressed and liberated because that is what I CHOOSE in every moment!
You may never literally see me naked and I am committed to showing up fully in all moments.
NAKED. HEART OPEN. GROWING FORWARD. TELLING MY STORY. INVITING YOU IN!
Here I AM…
Living out loud in my curls, with colorful nails, in clothes that meet my curves, with or without shoes (depending on the day) and all my jewels that hold lifetimes of connection, memory and love.
I am out here parenting, dancing, leading, creating, envisioning, making mistakes, being fired, failing fast, dreaming, resting, reconnecting, grounding, aligning, generating unconditional love, freedom and clarity.
HERE. I. AM.
To remind, to unlearn and learn, to discover, to guide, to support, to love.
Life ebbs and flows, breath is constant and the unexpected is guarantee. Choice is essential. It lives within you. Do the hard shit. The things that feel scary. You are worth it. Listen to your heart. Say NO. Set boundaries. Share your truth because the truth will set you free, Guarantee!
My Truths:
You are going to see and hear from me more across all platforms.
And if you don't want that, choose it (unsubscribe below).
Wednesdays, Starting July 19th-August 23rd. 6-7 pm.
Join me to explore the intersection of yoga, dance, and Lightyear Leadership. We will use the foundation of these movement practices to embody and embrace the unique flavor of your own intuitive movement!
$80 for all 6 weeks
$20 drop-in (reserve drop in through Venmo @bevida)
Please sign up in advanced and bring your friends!!!
Heart to Heart, I am honored to have this opportunity to embody, embrace and bare all the magic that lives within each of us and celebrate it with you!
