David and I took a trip together last month to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We spent 5 days at a sustainability lodge in a Belizean jungle. We snorkeled, fly fished, rode bikes, made chocolate from cocoa beans grown on site, roasted coffee beans from the farm, and enjoyed rum brewed at the lodge's distillery. We made memories together. I was grateful for some space and some quiet, although the howler monkeys were so loud in the night I didn't sleep very well. Ha! We probably should have don a little more lounging, because by the time we got through customs on the way home, I was more tired than when we left, and by the time we got back to our kids, vacation felt like a dream I had during a fitful night of sleep. So, I sat down to reflect on our time, you know, to make it feel like it actually happened, and then I decided to share a few of my takeaways.

 

1. God is God, and I am not. Leaving my kids is always an occasion for a lot of prayer for me. I make schedules, plan meals, leave bags with notes and activities for each day, but the second I leave, I hand over control. I have to trust the people we've entrusted them to, and I have to trust the God who has entrusted them to us. Sitting on a plane beside David, I can't help but wonder what will happen to them if something happens to us. Even being on a plane feels like entrusting my safety to the pilot. I always recite Psalm 139 upon taking off and landing. God is all-knowing, everywhere present, and all powerful. Traveling really shows me that I am not. Traveling is humbling because it exposes my limits and my fears. Traveling is an occasion for worship because it reminds me that God is God and I am not.

 

2. Silence isn't anything to panic over, in fact, it's something to celebrate. There was one night when David and I brought our kindles to dinner and read for the entire meal. We were doing something we enjoyed, side by side. My husband is an introvert, and sometimes, he's all talked out, and that's okay. Sure, there were bursts of quality conversation, and I love talking with him and really love to get him talking. But there were plenty of minutes of silence while eating together or walking together or waiting in the airport together. I flashed back to our honeymoon when I panicked during similar moments, fearing that we were doomed to become the couple in K & W that ate their meal without exchanging a word. But a decade later, I feel gratitude in silence. Because that silence represents comfort, safety, and security. It's an absence of pressure to fill the silence that I don't experience in any other relationship in my life. What a precious gift to just be with someone.

 

3. There's no such thing as paradise on earth. I think it's really important for us to remember as we prepare for vacation (or even a date… or even look at other people's vacations and dates) that anywhere we go on this earth will still be fallen, and that we'll still be sinful when we get there. David and I had a fabulous time, but I got bit by something that made my ankle turn into a tree trunk that it hurt to walk on on day 3. He also pointed out that I was doing a lot of complaining the day before that about things from bad service to weather. He got frustrated as we were going through security and his bag got flagged because I put an oversized bottle of sunscreen in his bag (whoops) and we almost missed our flight. I mean, there was literally under a minute to spare by the time we got through. Over the course of 5 days worth of conversations, we had miscommunications and we both said things that didn't land well with the other. But also, the jungle was beautiful. We laughed and dreamed and connected. We rested and read multiple books. We gave thanks and celebrated. We highlighted what a good team we were. We repented and forgave. We loved and affirmed.  We rode the wave, lamenting the bad, and celebrating the good. Having realistic expectations is what made it a great trip.

4. A lot can happen in 10 years. This is probably an obvious one, given that we have three kids and have gone through loss and both look older. But I think progress can be kind of like raising a toddler. You miss the micro changes because they're happening right in front of you so slowly, and sometimes you just see how far there is to go. This trip was a great occasion for us to take a step back to see and celebrate the ways that God has made us more like Christ in a decade. We had no idea what we were signing up for when we stood across from one another and took vows, but standing across from one another during our trip and reflecting on all God has done in and through our marriage—all we've grieved and all we've been given—was an incredible gift.

 

5. There's no place like home. Belize was beautiful, and I loved making memories with David in a new place, but we both said that next time we want to get away together, we'll book a local airbnb and just skip the travel and rest in a place closer to home. What do you prefer? Destination or staycation?

 

with humble gratitude,

 

 

We recently filmed a trailer for these books that involved 5 different families reading each book and practicing the training refrains. I nearly came out of my skin with excitement watching chubby little fingers lifting these flaps and responding to the prompts. My kids have been loving them, but they also just love me. Seeing other kids love them, and ask to read them again and again was just exhilarating. I am filled with hope at the thought of parents teaching their kids the gospel by reading these books with their toddlers! Click the photo above if you want to pre-order them and get the fun bonuses!

This morning we went for a scooter ride. We scooter on a public path alongside a busy road at the end of our street. I asked the boys to remind me of the rules for riding before we left our driveway. “Stop at every intersection, and no going around a curve without mom," They replied. I then told them that I didn't want to shout at them before every intersection and curve. “This is an opportunity to build trust.” I said. “Can I count on you to remember to stop at intersections and curves?” 

 

Yesterday they asked to both be upstairs for quiet time. But our quiet time rules are that everyone plays on their own for a bit, to give us all a break from stimulation and from each other. So I said, “Hey, this is an opportunity to build trust. I'm going to allow you to both be upstairs, but I need to know that I can count on you to use self control and not play together. Can I count on you?" “YES!” they replied.

 

In order to fight against self reliance, but emphasize accountability, we'll often pray together after I use this phrase, asking the Holy Spirit to help them to heed the voice of their mama, and to have self-control and sensitivity to conviction.

 

I'm really seeing the fruit of this training refrain as it is helping my kids see the relational impact of keeping your word, as well as both the freedom that comes with trustworthiness and the responsibility that comes with freedom. After they follow through, I can highlight how they were a man of their word, and how that really makes me feel like I can trust them! I pray this refrain will help shape them into men who depend on the Spirit for self control and who let their yes be yes!

 

I'll be writing the newsletter for my friend Kate over at Naptime Kitchen next month. YAY! She's a buddy of mine from college and a person who I deeply admire and constantly learn from. I'm writing on a topic that's near and dear to my heart, and I don't want you to miss it! If you're not already getting her newsletter, you can subscribe here.

My best piece of advice here would be to remember that your oldest is still little. When my second was born my first looked like a full blown adult in comparison, even though he was only 2.5. I think I expected too much of him when I should have been meeting him where he was developmentally. He was going through a big transition too, and I wish I had shepherded him through it with more sensitivity. Setting a timer for 10 minutes a day and having “special time” where you give them your undivided attention helps a ton relationally. I would also add, you can't always sleep when the baby sleeps when you have two, so make sure you're prioritizing rest as much as possible so you maintain agency and presence of mind as a parent. Lastly, don't force the relationship. 

 

Honestly, I wasn't as intentional with this until more recently. But my first memory of doing anything dishwasher related with my oldest was when he was 18 months old. When I turned back around from putting a plate away, he was holding out another one saying “Here you go, Mommy!” My work was his play. He wanted to be with me, doing whatever I was doing, and so, I let him. My friend Julia is a child counselor and recently told me, “if they can, they should.” So I have adopted that perspective… as much as they can, I'm asking them to help with the responsibilities or our house. My 7 year-old can fold towels and his own clothes. My 4 year old can sort and put away but still needs help to focus and to fold. My 2.5 year old can put his clothes in the right drawers. So that's what I ask of them. They each have a section of the dishwasher they're responsible for too. But I would say, start with one thing as an invitation. “Hey, would you like to learn how to do this?” And just get them more comfortable with it. I think that invitation is sweeter that the sudden implantation of a list of chores.

 

A. This was the most asked question when I posted a Q and A box. Here's the link!

 

“In the end, as in the beginning, it is not our good intentions or even our good deeds that will get us out of the muck of ourselves. It is God's rescuing hand. It is his encoding announcement over us messed-up creatures, “I love you,” that changes everything.”

-Jared C. Wilson

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!