Dear friend,

 

We were camping this week (it was lovely) and I started reading a book called Monk Habits for Everyday People: Benedictine Spirituality for Protestants. Since I wrapped up reading War and Peace and finished the upcoming Leviticus bible study my reading opportunity has greatly expanded, and the first place I like to start is in books about “slow spirituality”.

 

I usually read 5-6 books at once, so I'm also reading a Jewish book about words (Chofetz Chaim), a parenting book (Grace Based Parenting), and some church history material, but my favorite so far has been Monk Habits. This quote may be why:

 

 

I'm certainly not saying I agree wholesale with monasticism; nor that I'm retreating from the world of soccer and social media to live only with my garden and my goats (saying that makes it sound like I'm halfway to a convent already!). I read books like these because they keep my heart and mind rooted in a reality too-quickly forgotten: the slow life IS real life. 

 

I hear college students go away to camp for a week and come back saying it was “time” to “re-enter real life”. But what Monk Habits points out is that the experience at camp, the community, the communal singing, the spiritual intimacy with God, the nights around a fire - that's real life too. And it doesn't have to be segregated to camp life alone. 

 

In January of this year Josh and I implemented a new family schedule. We called it our “margin schedule” and we created themed days of the week, setting aside certain nights for social events, certain nights for media consumption and most nights for time with family. It looked like this:

During a very stressful 2022 (and honestly, 2021) we had fallen into the habit of defaulting to media consumption, whether on phones or via streaming platforms. Every night was TV night. Josh and I were exhausted and making ourselves more exhausted with our bad habits. So we deleted all our streaming platforms except Right Now Media (through our church) and Discovery+ (cooking/home shows and documentaries). Then we changed our family culture by changing our family schedule. 

 

As home educators, we obviously have a lot of control over the kids' school schedule and sports, but most families have more control than they think. It's a conscious choice to submit to the rat-race and “keep up” with everyone around us or to consciously opt out and choose a slower life - a life where we are fully attentive to the goodness before us. Josh and I wanted to be fully awake, fully present, and we didn't want to be owned by commitments that stole evenings, weekends, and especially Sundays. So we just… said no. And said yes to slow. 

 

This choice came with sacrifices, the first being my speaking schedule. For the last seven years (and before Adeline was born) I have traveled in the spring and fall, sometimes as many as 6 weekends each season. Last year I was gone a total of 30 days (which means Josh was single parenting a month out of the year). This year is much less, but next year will be zero. Yes! For the first time since we have been married AND dating, in 2024 neither Josh nor I will travel for work at all. This commitment means saying no to some organizations that I love and would be honored to join. It means saying no to wonderful churches and camps and gatherings of teenagers who I'd love to meet in person. But to say “yes” to the life we need right now, we had to say “no” to something good.

 

There are other things we've said “no” to and things we're evaluating; sometimes we say “yes” to something now but in another season, it's not a good choice. And everyone has a different experience of what is stressful and what is not; what accomplishes the vision for family/home/community and what gets in the way of it. Josh and I still have to work (I have to write this newsletter each week, for example!), homeschool our kids, change diapers, feed farm animals, scrub floors, fold clothes and vacuum cars. The ordinary stuff still exists. But that's the whole THING: the ordinary stuff is the good stuff. It's the holy stuff. It's the place we are truly formed… slowly. 

 

The question Monk Habits made me ask is: Have I given into a subtle, subversive materialism in how I view my home, time and family?  Have I made time in my calendar for what truly, truly matters: my kids, being outside, being with friends, loving my church, reaching my city?

 

Our margin schedule may seem extreme (as might us lighting candles for week-day dinners, reading aloud a hundred books a year, limiting our kids game time and media and singing together as a family) but it is a perfect example of “discipline leads to freedom”. Each successive month has shown us the freedom of saying “no”. It's a freedom because we also get to say “yes”:

We said no. And now we get to say yes. And I think you will, too. 

 

 

 

 

I have been taking a month off Instagram every summer for three years - maybe four? Every time I “learn” the same thing… social media is destructive. I know that sounds severe especially since so much of Every Woman a Theologian is built on it and right now, requires it. But it's the truth! Social media destroys attention, contentment, relationship, and joy. And I am never more joyful than when I am off of it. I am still trying to figure out how to sustainably teach and lead online without being bound to it… constantly having to change and improve boundaries to make it possible. I never regret being away from it, even though I LOVE interacting with my followers! They are the best people. I am always looking for other ways to have that interaction that doesn't include social media (one reason I love Verity Conference so much!!!)

 

 

Since legalism twists the character of God, I think books that consistently speak to His character are the best start! Legalism also focuses on behavior rather than intimacy with God, so books that speak to relationship are good too. I would recommend Psalms, 1 John, and the Gospel of John. 

 

A little glimpse of what's bringing us joy at home: routines, homeschool, kitchen and home life.