When I was growing up my father would always tell me “Patty never let anyone else define who you are.” I have carried those words with me ever since. My father instilled in me that it was none of my business what others think of me because the only one who mattered was me and what I think of me.
So many times, I see people allow life circumstances (things that happen TO them) and other people's judgements define who they are. They live life in victim mode and blame others for their unhappiness rather than taking responsibility for their own lives and their own happiness.
Sadly, when we allow our past traumas and other people to define us, we lose our authenticity. We lose the ability to love ourselves unconditionally and we can become bitter and full of regrets.
One regret I have is I wanted to be a Marine Biologist, but I allowed my mother to convince me I was not smart enough to do that and all I was smart enough to do was business administration type work. So, instead of applying myself to school and sciences I went the business course route in high school and then college. I became what she wanted me to be, not what I wanted to be. I allowed my mother to define who I was, and this caused a resentment towards my mother for many years.
Today, I am happy to say no one defines my life or me and because of that I do not need anyone else's approval or acceptance and that has freed me in ways I never felt before. Today I can honestly say I live my father's words and I do not care what others think or say about me for I know me, and I love who I am!
By being100% accountable for my life, I have stepped out of victim mode and into survivor mode. I am accountable for my thoughts, feelings, actions, lack of action, for my reactions, and for the way I treat others and myself. Not my parents, teachers, friends, but ME!
One of my pet peeves is when people say, “well that's just how I am” or “I was born this way.” No, you were NOT born that way and no it is NOT just how you are. You were conditioned to be the way you are and if you choose you can change those things that are holding you back or that are keeping you in victim mode. We all have the right to choose who we are!
So, what are the things you are allowing to define you? Is it trauma from your past? Is it a strong religious belief? Is it a societal belief? Whatever it is if it is not creating the life you dreamt about, or desire then release it and learn to define yourself. You can do and be anything you want; you have that power. My trauma is some bad stuff that happened TO me, it was out of my control. I am not accountable for that, but I am accountable as to whether I allow my trauma to define me or my life.
I truly believe the key to true happiness is unconditional self-love! I always tell people “make yourself your new best friend.” For we never speak to our best friends the way we speak to ourselves. Think about that. How do you speak to yourself? I found that the negative self-talk was not mine, but it came from others. The voices of my mother, sister, school friends and teachers. We adopt what people project on to us as our truth, but it isn't, and we again can choose to accept it or release it.
One book that changed my life is called “Mirror Work” by Louise Hay. It is a 21-day journey to self-love. However, this 21-day journey took me over two years to complete for I would do the daily exercises and stay on that day until I truly believed and felt what I was saying.
May you step into your own power by redefining who you are and what your life will be! Never give that power to anyone else. Remember, everything you need to navigate this life is inside of you. All you have to do is trust and believe in YOU.
Namaste!
Pat Laurino
Intuitive Energy Healer/Psychic and Spiritual Medium
