Something that I used to do a lot of before I met him was travel alone. I loved it. As a deeply rooted Sagittarius, I 'find myself' when traveling. I come home to myself. I just feel ignited, creative, and ME. I'm currently actually in a season where I'm feeling really expanded in being at home and doing less rather than more. But I'd been having this intense calling for about 4 months before this trip of "I NEED TO GO BE ALONE IN EUROPE." He knew I had this thought, and we'd spoken about it and whether I wanted to just go on this trip alone, but here's a couple of things. He makes travel so enjoyable and easy for me. I remember the intense amount of tears that would be shed from the stress of trying to do it all myself, canceled flights, missing bags, etc. when I was alone.
Funnily enough, when we were catching our flight from Paris to Santorini at the start of the trip, our plane was at the opposite gate to a gate that got QUITE the meltdown 3 years prior. Nearly exactly 3 years ago (about 1 week prior to 3 years), I was getting on a plane from Paris to Nice and bawling my eyes out because I nearly missed the flight as my Uber driver took me to the wrong terminal and the airport was chaos. I texted my best friend saying, "I'm done traveling alone. I'm traveling with a man from now on."
Well, I kept doing solo travel, but the point is that travel with my fiancé is such a breeze. He does everything, and I just sit back and relax. Now that I'm here in Paris, I can see how much he does—everything from driving the car to booking the Uber, to finding our baggage carousel. Sometimes I forget how much I don't have to do anymore because he does it.
So I decided from an empowered place that I did want him to come on the trip, but that we would spend time apart and that I would let him work during the days and not make him come to do everything with me (hehe). So I had 2 solo meals in Venice, I spent hours sitting alone in cafes working while he was back at the hotel, I went out to dinner with friends, and now I've been here for 4 days alone in Paris. And it's bliss.
It's hard at the start because I miss him, but it's bliss because I know how vital this alone time is. For everyone.
Something that I see so much (and I'm sure you have, too) is people 'losing themselves' after being in a relationship for a while. They stopped doing the things they'd do when they were single. They "miss their single life"; they revolve their world around the other person. And look, I get being deeply in love. But if you lose yourself... you also subconsciously create resentment towards yourself, the relationship, and possibly your partner.
Not exactly ideal.
Prioritizing your relationship also means prioritizing yourself. And my fiancé and I, while we miss each other deeply whenever we spend time apart, we also fucking love it. Sometimes I just think how if people overheard our conversations, most would think that we're a little bit fucked up, but when you understand a healthy relationship, these conversations bring so much lightness.
The fact that we're both okay about saying, "Like yeah, I miss you, but I also don't" is gold to me. The space allows for more. The space allows us to return our energy back to ourselves. To re-align so that we can be the BEST SELVES in our relationship.
The space allows us to miss each other and increase our chemistry, polarity, and downright obsession.
So from one of my dates alone in Venice, I want to share with you some of the thoughts I wrote down:
There's truly nothing wrong with wanting alone time. There's nothing wrong with wanting space. There's nothing wrong with wanting some time. I'm grateful that I'm in the kind of relationship where I can say I need a few days of me time. And I'll go do me.
I'm grateful that I'm in a relationship where I can do this. Where I feel safe to even say, 'I need two weeks to myself.'
It's funny that so many people struggle to just sit at a cafe alone and enjoy their own company. And even I had to get comfortable again doing that because being in a relationship meant that I changed my comfort zone, and eating alone became something I didn't do much anymore. So I had to push myself to do it again. I had to be committed to me. And staying true to me.
And god, it feels good. It feels so good to sit here in peace. To not have to talk to anyone, to hear my thoughts. To hear NO thoughts. To breathe. To just soak in my surroundings. It's like time slows down. I can do me. I can focus on MY experience. I can be selfish. I can disconnect and be in my own world.
It's peaceful. It's often why so many people get agitated in relationships because they lose their sense of self if they're not careful.
I love the silence in my mind. I worked hard to get to a point where I have no negative thoughts. Where I can have NO thoughts. And I forget to enjoy them. I often don't have an extended period of time where I just get to do ME. God, it's so wholesome.
I'm so proud of me. I'm so proud of this dinner. I'm so proud of this space and doing what can feel hard because of how much I love being around him and how I can turn my mind off when he's looking after me. But it also feels good to look after myself. To just tend to my own needs and not be influenced by anyone else's energy or calendar.
Most of us are all or nothing. We're fully in the relationship, or the moment we're having a slight freak out, we break up. The dysregulation of your nervous system means that you don't allow yourself to have your ideal situation. Where you maybe take 2 weeks to yourself but stay in the relationship.
