"I got in!!! I can't believe this!" — I jumped in my living room, 50% elated that I got my ideal job and 50% terrified that I was going to suck at it (and oh boy was I right on the last part).
This is how the story of my first fully remote job starts. It changed my life forever.
This role was at an international organisation headquartered in Germany — I was so excited! Fully remote job and part-time — perfect! They worked in diversity and inclusion in tech — which I had been working on for almost 3 years now. The scope of work was within what I was used to, mostly organisation and marketing projects. Finally, the work environment seemed welcoming, respectful and inclusive — it couldn’t be better than this!
It had everything to go right. But as my contract ended, I was let go.
Ok, so you might be wondering — what went wrong? Technically…
- I didn’t have the set of self-management skills I needed for a remote job, especially this one which was mostly asynchronous.
- The same happened to my communication and collaboration skills — I didn’t adapt them to this team.
- I sucked at managing up. I didn’t even understand the concept at that time.
- I underestimated the potential of what I didn’t know and how it could impact my deliverables.
- I wasn’t a very good culture fit and culture add, even though I really could have been had I open up myself to absorbing the culture first.
- Too much focus on nurturing affective trust ("being sincerely and wholeheartedly there for the team and project") versus cognitive trust ("doing what I said I was going to do").
- I acted like I didn’t deserve this “high paying” job. I worked as if I had a full-time job, and was online all the time. It put pressure in my team members who were also part-timers.
- I didn’t support the organisation's purpose and business goals as I could have. I came in with all that excitement and ideas… Which is great, unless you hold on to them too much…
- I overcommitted and underfulfilled. I wasn’t able to balance my passion and desire to “wow” people, with getting what was needed done, in time.
- I didn’t own my role fully, which affected my autonomy and how I communicated the impact I had in the organisation.
- I didn’t make the most of my 1:1s and the feedback that was given to me.
- I would not properly prepare for meetings. Smh.
- Bonus I only realised one year ago: I have ADHD.
- …
I could go on, but then I wouldn't be able to talk about the lesson that changed everything for me:
I didn’t have enough emotional maturity nor created the habit to nurture emotional balance to process all the new information and feedback that was being given to me.
Emotionally intelligent, but "immature" adults are often unable to identify or manage their emotions. They usually avoid their emotions by intellectualizing, explaining, analyzing, disagreeing, attacking, flattering, joking, apologizing, evading, going silent, becoming aloof or suspicious, rejecting, criticizing or judging.
In contrast, the emotionally mature adult is more objective are less judgmental. They are better able to detach themselves from triggers that would normally provoke an emotional reaction. They experience states of equanimity, serenity and inner peace. Blaming others is no longer a strategy they use to make themselves feel safe. They are nurturing, supportive, firm, fair, helpful, respectful, self-responsible, non-judgmental, honest, sincere and focused on the well-being of themselves and of others.
Emotional maturity and balance facilitate the application of the growth mindset — the belief that you can develop your skills and talents through hard work, the right strategies, and guidance from others.
It is how we allow the cycle of “feedback → self-awareness → implementation → growth” to flow properly.
To be able to talk with someone light years away from you, explaining an advanced new concept and you can grasp it immediately, even when it requires a complete mindset, is absolutely priceless. Or even not grasp it, bang with your head once, and laugh at your “this is going to be different with me” mistake.
The problem is that if we come from a challenging background — personal or professional — we probably didn’t have the chance to learn how to be emotionally mature. And being mindful about our emotional balance is not even a thing we consider. We feel it’s a luxury, when it’s actually essential for us to navigate a more fulfilling life, connected with others.
And, to the point of this newsletter, emotional maturity also allows us to be better at acquiring new skills, do our work and collaborating with others. (I don't know about you, but if there is something I want people to say about me is that it was a pleasure working with me.)
Because this specific team nurtured a culture of empathy, support, and open-mindedness, I was able to explore new parts of myself.
And this is how a healthy work environment becomes more challenging than a toxic one. So invest in your growth, open yourself to a new future version of you — a person who you have no idea how they're going to be like, but they are going to be awesome!
I’m glad I was let go, even if it was hard. And the story didn't end there: a year later I was hired again. I am happy to say that we're all still in touch.
One last thing before I go: there is a limit to how much people can support us at work. If you feel like you’re on a situation like this, I nudge you to get further support outside the company — i.e. psychotherapy, coaching, support groups, mindfulness, etc.
To all the people who have supported us in our personal and professional growth, in particular my direct manager who gave me a much needed break to become who I am today.
May people like these cross your path, and may you be one of them too,
Ana
P.S.: The still immature part of me wants to say that I also did a great job and nurtured a very loving and caring community. I was not just a complete disaster, ok? :D
