Mikvehs.

I am officially a Jew! I got Jewished - as I lovingly like to say. I took my dip in the mikvah on Thursday Aug 3rd which was such a beautiful experience I almost have no reason to tell you about it. A mikvah - for those who don’t know - also spelled Mikveh, or Miqwe, (“collection [of water]”), in Judaism, a pool of natural water in which one bathes for the restoration of ritual purity. 

 

 

It was just so lovely. And then on Friday the 4th I was presented at my temple after services with my chosen Hebrew name, Shefa Mazal. Shefa, meaning abundance / to be in flow with the universe and Mazal, meaning destiny  / luck and fortune. As my rabbi said, with this new name and honor, it's not just about being lucky but it's about creating my own luck and opportunities. I loved that. To stay in constant awe of life is God and to never ever lose the wonder. “Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement. ....get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.” ― Abraham Joshua Heschel

 

This gave me the biggest smiles inside. It took me 3 years of studying and 40 years of life to fulfill a part of my spiritual destiny to make my half jewishness whole. Tadaa !! [Depth of my reasons and spiritual philosophy not included because I love talking about it IRL and would rather. HMU if you'd ever like to.] 

JEWISH GODDESS at your service

Sobriety.

I know I wrote a lot of words, ideas and feelings last month. Some remain true, others have graduated into new stories I want to manifest while others just burst into little snips of emotional dustiness that I have since vacuumed away. I also know I’m finding my voice with this newsletter, so if you bear with me - I’m honored.

 

On August 31st, 2023 it will be ONE whole year that I do not smoke pot. Credit must be given also to my partner who too is celebrating ONE year without pot. I capitalize ONE bc ONE whole year feels HUGE! Together we made a pact to be something different with the hope to enhance our life by clearing our lungs and our minds. I won’t speak for him. But I have to say for me, I feel different and I feel secure - no longer constantly fighting inside my mind about whether or not I shouldn't be smoking pot. It feels like I have gotten into the passenger seat of my best life car - or at least my most caring for self car. I know marijuana is nothing but earth flowers for most people - and I 100% respect and believe that can be true. But unfortunately it's not true for me. For me marijuana has been my favorite ticket to ignoring me and my needs since I was 11 years old. To some I hid it super well, but for most you just never knew if I was high or not, and this too was a sneaky little game I liked to play with myself. And I can't tell you how many important moments from meeting special people to job interviews that I completely botched because I was stoned and I wasn't my best self, even though at the time I believed to be. It helps to have someone to stop or start anything with. I've known I wanted to for a long time and finally with my partner we realized that if we want all the things we say we want in this life - we need to show up for ourselves and be prepared for them. And for us this meant facing the daily with clarity and focus, not escaping it or trying to blur it away every night with a joint. I'm grateful to him most for sticking to it and wanting to share this path with me. Cheers to ONE HUGE (almost) YEAR. 

 

Today also marks 100 (!!) days of no alcohol for me. This started with being pregnant and has now turned into a sort of how long can I go game in my head. And I don’t know the answer to that yet. [I'm noting and noticing I play a lot of games with myself in my head - yet another something for myself to investigate about myself? Writing out loud really does that doesn't it?] Anyway, my sister always advises me not to make any blanket statements, so I will take her advise here and not make any about never drinking again. But I will say I feel good. My meditation game has never been stronger /dropping into my self has never been easier - and accepting who this person-in-reality is has never felt nicer. 

Art News.

I will be showing this new piece at Temple Israel of Hollywoods' high holidays art exhibition Before I Die which opens September 9 @ 7:30 pm - 10:00 pm. The show will be up through the high holidays ending on September 24. 

Untitled Skinning, 2023 

Cement and melalueca tree on canvas 40" x 30" 

Last month was brutal and it was beautiful. Work was perfectly slow and I was given the gift of time to reflect and redefine what the true meaning of success is - for myself. Thank you deeply to everyone who gave me there love and shared their thoughts and stories to make me feel and know I was not alone. It was super cringy for me to press the send button on that first newsletter and for some reason even more embarrassing to read the response - perhaps a lesson for me on how uncomfortable I actually am with receiving authentic love and support (yikes). But I know the goodness it did me far outweighed both the embarrassment and the fear. I always say to my loved ones that it's never a bad thing to share your soul experience - and I'm learning to take my own advice. I'm grateful how space and time heal and I firmly trust now more than ever that the Universe knows what it's doing x

Thank you for reading me 

💘