Today, I want to start by addressing something a lot of us don’t like to talk about. I recently posted about how to deal with your enemy…but not the one who is meeting you on the mat or in the cage. I was referring to the enemy who is inside your head, and how you need to know it, love it, and kill it. It’s that same enemy that tells you that you’re not good enough, you’re weak, or you’re doomed. That same enemy who sabotages your success and happiness.

 

If you’re asking yourself, if we are our own worst enemy, how can we kill our enemy and love ourselves at the same time?

 

Let me break it down for you.

What do I mean by that?

 

In this first step of gaining understanding, you need to be completely honest with yourself and identify the areas where you are weak, where you are lacking, and where you are vulnerable. You need to face the truth and accept it.

 

Maybe this means you have a bad temper, maybe you procrastinate, maybe you drink too much or cheat on your diet more than you should. These are signs of small enemy victories. Maybe you skip training sessions, doubt yourself, or maybe you fear failure so bad that you avoid challenges and blame others or lie to yourself, just so you don’t have to face reality.

 

Whatever it is, you need to know about it. You also need to acknowledge it. But most importantly, you need to own it.

 

Why? Because if you don’t know your enemy, you can’t fight him. You can’t improve yourself if you don’t know what’s holding you back, and you can’t grow if you don’t know what keeping you down.

 

So, take some time and reflect on yourself. Write down your weaknesses, your flaws, your mistakes, regrets, fears, excuses, vices, and habits. When you do this, be brutally honest with yourself. Don’t sugarcoat anything, and definitely do not hide or deny anything about yourself.

 

This is going to be hard, painful, and maybe even a little scary, but trust me, this is absolutely necessary. Doing this will allow you to move to the next step.

This may sound crazy or even contradictory to what I’ve been saying. I understand. How can you love someone who is hurting you? How can you love someone who is destroying you? Can you really truly love someone who is your enemy?

 

The answer is yes you can. Hear me out on this one.

 

Loving your enemy doesn’t mean you have to like him, approve of him, or even be friends with him or let him win.

 

Your enemy is your greatest teacher. He shows you what you need to do in order to learn, heal, and grow. He challenges you to face your fears, doubts, and insecurities. He also pushes you to stand up for yourself, your values, and your dreams.

 

But how do you learn from your enemy?

 

By loving him. Your enemy knows your mistakes, flaws, and weaknesses and has no problem reminding you of them in your inner dialogue. But why in the f*** would you listen to that?

 

Based on that, you might think that loving your enemy is impossible or even foolish. But when you think about it, it’s the only way to change him. More importantly, it’s the only way to change yourself. If you say you hate your enemy, then you’re saying you hate yourself. That’s not productive.

 

When you hate yourself, you’re hurting yourself. When you hold on to anger, resentment, and bitterness, you’re not only running the risk of making yourself physically ill, but you also limit yourself by rejecting new opportunities and experiences.

 

So don’t waste your time and energy on hating your enemy. Spend your energy on understanding why he is your enemy in the first place. Not happy with your job? Your relationship? Your finances or your fitness? Accept the fact that your enemy is winning and get to the bottom of why that is.

 

This is the point I’m emphasizing: You need to know your enemy fully and completely before you can evict his ass from your mind and kill him once and for all.

 

That brings us to the next step where I really need you to stay with me…once you have achieved a level of self-understanding, you need to…

If you think this sounds too extreme, let me explain.

 

Killing your enemy doesn’t mean hurting, destroying, or eliminating him. In this context, killing your enemy means releasing him and letting him go and saying goodbye and moving on to create a new version of yourself.

 

Why did I choose this way to explain it?

 

Because if you don’t kill your enemy, you can’t become yourself. You can’t express yourself if you can’t release what’s suppressing your thoughts and feelings. You can’t say goodbye to your enemy if you don’t say goodbye to what is stopping you from achieving what you want. You also can’t move on with yourself if you don’t move on from what’s keeping you stagnant.

 

This is why you need to take the time to kill your enemy and say goodbye for good. Thank him for his service and contributions, and thank him for his role, purpose, and presence in your life, but remember to tell him that you don’t need him anymore, and that it’s time for him to go.

 

It’s hard to tell someone that you are ready to move on. Anyone that has been in a relationship knows that. But it’s even harder to have that conversation with yourself. But you can’t move on from yourself until you are ready to create a new self. One that is better, stronger, happier and move loving.

 

While I try my best to make things easy by identifying processes and breaking things down into smaller steps, nothing I’ve talked about today is easy. Knowing your enemy is not easy. Finding a way to love your enemy is even harder and killing that enemy for good is really damn hard, but it can be done.

Just remember, this is not a one-time thing. This is not a quick fix, and this is no magic bullet.

 

Everything I’ve just talked about is a process. It’s a journey. It’s actually a lifestyle.

 

This is something that needs to be done every moment of every day. Negative thoughts and urges don’t have office hours in your mind, they come and go as they please, so to be ready, you need to stay ready.

 

You need to be aware of your enemy. You can be compassionate with your enemy, but most importantly, you need to be decisive about your enemy.

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