“Do you see men in your practice?” A question I receive quite a bit and the answer is a hearty - yes! Many of the men I see in my sexual consulting practice are there with their partners who are typically women. I encourage people to bring their partners to sessions because sex is typically about the two of you, regardless of who you think has the “issue.”
I want to let you behind the curtain to know what I see in the men who come into my practice. Are you ready?
The overwhelming majority of men I see are kind, eager, willing, lovely humans. They are introspective, funny and earnest. They work hard to deconstruct within themselves what is holding them back from connection in their own sex lives. I love this about them. I love them.
Also, the overwhelming majority of men are deeply impacted by a society selling them the lie that the only acceptable things for men to feel and do in their regular life are anger, problem-solving behavior and productivity.
In turn, we also sell men this lie that the only acceptable place to be tender and delicate, the only place to advocate for gentler body needs, the only time it is acceptable to take direction and feel present instead of constant problem solving is…you guessed it…sex.
No wonder sex feels so emotionally regulating for men.
How many times to do I hear men say, “If I don’t have sex for a while, I get anxious and honestly kind of grumpy.” It makes sense. I’d feel grumpy too if I wasn’t encouraged to experience a wider range of emotions in any place but my bedroom.
Purity culture and even society often sells this grumpy behavior as a “need” to release / ejaculate, but there is not a reliable body of evidence that suggests this to be true. There is however a reliable body of evidence to suggest that men are taught to be restrained emotionally, with the exception of anger, in their day-to-day life but encouraged to experience ALL emotion in sex.
I’d want more sex too.
