It's one thing to create the space, it's another to enjoy it.
Have you ever noticed that?
It's one thing to have/get/do the thing, it's another to live with the reality of the having and the getting and the doing.
That was the experience of my summer publishing break (and reduced work load). It was the first time in my business planning for, and sticking to, a planned break. A purposeful pause.
And while it was the right choice—it wasn't easeful!
Anywhere we're moving outside the well-worn groves of culture, family, or personal patterning… there's friction.
When we're doing differently we are, by definition, in uncharted territory. This can feel uncomfortable or downright dangerous to our system, even when we know it's the right thing to do.
This can happen when:
- We rest or take a break “before we need to”
- We plateau on purpose (I could have kept working/marketing and made more money, but I'd already met my goal)
- We are satisfiable. We practice “enough” money, marketing, stimulation, growth…
- We have unaccounted for time in our day that we don't fill with hobbies or phones
- We hold open space of any kind—transitions between jobs, spaces of not knowing, unanswerable questions…
- We change the way we communicate
- We ditch the picture but keep the frame. We use social media, but not the way we're taught and not for the prescribed ends/means (what Jenny Odell calls “resistance in place”)
When we're navigating the necessary, generative tension of doing differently, it's helpful to remember that how something feels the first time around isn't how it'll always feel.
New becomes familiar, familiar becomes practiced.
A few other things that can help:
- Remind yourself, “Not bad, just new.” Say this to yourself after you send the pitch, raise your prices, or make the direct ask. Maybe the discomfort you're feeling isn't a sign that you're “out of alignment” or doing something wrong, maybe you're simply uncomfortable because you don't know what happens next.
- Have a practice that honours what's coming up for you. When I'm working on something challenging I have an open notebook at my desk and any time my brain loops or yells as me, I write it down. Getting my inner narrative outside my body helps with perspective and reminds me that this voice is not all of me.
- Create systems and structures that help you show up. New territory, new rules. We’re great at tearing down but not so good at building up. So you’ve ditched a structure that doesn’t work for you, great. But what’s the new one you're building in it's place? Structure itself isn't bad—we need our spines and what would a leaf be without a branch to hold it? Create guidelines and guardrails that support you.
- Not putting a value judgement on ease. The part of me that congratulates myself for feeling “good” or “healed” or “normal” or “solved” is the same part of me that rips myself down when I'm feeling anything but. Enjoy ease. Enjoy stability. But be mindful of any morality you attach to it.
Not bad, just new.
That's the line I want to leave us with.
Whatever new or different or uncomfortable thing you're navigating right now… can you simply be with the information as it comes?
Not bad, just new,
— Kate
