Hi First name / friend!

 

Sarah here to tell you a little backstory on the cardinal print from my current Backyard collection that is now shipping to shops from Ruby Star Society!

 

In the South the cardinal is often one of the most beloved birds. You can see their bright red feathers in the distance in any woods, and the sight of one always feels like you just spotted a treasure. The feeling never goes away. Every time, that red little beam of light just makes my heart flutter. Cardinals became extra special to me when my mom passed in 2017.

I remember the day that I got the call about my mom. I was in Chicago getting ready to speak at my first Sew Pro convention. Some old friends from college had agreed to show me around Chicago a bit since they had been living there for some time. I was also about 4 months pregnant with my first baby, Willow. I was incredibly nervous on that trip. My public speaking fear had somehow snuck up on me and I found myself rehearsing my lines over and over in the hotel room. I was sure I was going to crack. I decided to call my friend Andrew and take him up on the offer of a Chicago tour and we ended up at the Field Museum. As I walked through the halls of the artifacts, I felt a hint of that college euphoria coming back as I drew anything that caught my eye in my sketchbook. I started to calm down a bit and realized that I could handle anything and that the public speaking fear started to subside. Then my husband Scott called. 

I could feel a strange pause when I answered. I immediately knew something was wrong. I said “Who is it?” He said, “your mom.” I asked if she was okay, and he said…”not this time.” My heart sunk. My friend Andrew immediately started helping me figure out arrangements to get back to Georgia so that I could drive down to Florida with Scott where my birth family was. I remember looking out the airplane window on the way home and wiping tears from my eyes. How strange to think of, all of the reasons the people were on that flight. We all had our reasons, but mine felt so isolating. Like I was the only person on that flight. The part that stood out to me the most was being up in the sky while thinking about my mom. While I tried to make sense of the past few hours, something about the sky kept telling me that she was now at peace, with no pain. She was weightless. Like a bird. 

Over the next few months, grieving my mother’s passing was bittersweet. I was pregnant, so I was still incredibly joyful about little WIllow on the way. But I was bitter. I was angry, and I was sad. How could I lose my mom before she got to meet my baby? Why did she have to go so early? She had a brain aneurysm, I would find out later, which was why it was so sudden, but it was peaceful as she passed in her sleep. There is so much more to the story, but needless to say I was heartbroken. She had always been my biggest fan, after all. 

Since that time I had another baby, Violet. Willow is now 6 and Violet is now 4. The two of them love to play in our yard. Somehow we ended up living back in the same area that I had grown up in so long ago. I have so many childhood memories here in Georgia. Growing up was very difficult, with my parents both battling mental illness and financial issues. But I still have really fond memories of catching lightning bugs, eating honeysuckles, and building tree forts out in the woods. I remember my mom telling us about how special cardinals were. She said that if you see one, you have to make a wish. Then, if you blow 3 kisses to it before it flies away, your wish will come true. I told that story to my own daughters, and told them about how when they see a cardinal, it is actually my mom coming to check in on them. 

The other day Violet ran up to me and said, “Mommy, Mommy! Look! It’s your mom!” For a split second I was confused. Then I looked out the window and sure enough, a red cardinal sat on the tree branch peering back at us. Mom was coming to check in on all of us. 

 

While losing my mom has been a really hard experience, I try to think about the things she would want me to do. She would want me to hold my babies tight, spend time with them, make boring stuff more fun, and to always blow 3 kisses to a cardinal when I see one. But first, make a wish! I am so happy that my daughters know a version of my mom that is magical and adventurous. A version that is weightless and free. Like a cardinal, the warm memory of her burns bright in my mind.