I have a confession to make.
I had an awful parenting day with my kids on Sunday.
You guys hear me talk about being “Calm, Confident and Connected” with your child in moments of struggle?
HA! Well, if you could have seen me Sunday, it was more along the lines of “Frustrated, Frazzled and Frankly, Losing My Sh*t”. It wasn't pretty and I would be lying if I told you I also didn't beat myself up a little (okay, maybe more than a little) about it afterwards. The familiar narrative, “You should know better. This shouldn't be so hard. You're doing it wrong." showed up loud and clear on the speaker in my brain. UGH. It was brutal. And totally unhelpful.
So, after I got the kids to bed. I did a few things:
- I cried. (Just being real here.)
- I asked for support. First, from my husband, then my sisters.
- I followed through with my planned self-care, my Calendar Coping (exercise class the next morning.)
But, the next day, I also did one more thing, which was look back and take an honest and non-judgmental inventory of what got us there. In The Response Roadmap, my parent coaching framework, this is part of the last step, Step 5: Reflect and Repeat. You look back, without the self-critical narrative and assess: how did it go? what went well? where did things go sideways? is there an opportunity to learn anything for the future?
When I did this, I realized that I had been running around all day- all weekend really. It was a busy and hectic few days and by 5 pm on Sunday, I was just totally fried. A few moments to myself, building in time to relax or, as my brilliant therapist Emily shared this week, even taking “one luxurious breath” could have really helped.
We all have these days. We are human. Parenting is an impossible ask sometimes, even more so if your child is struggling. All we can do is come to ourselves with kindness, take solace in knowing we are not alone and do what we can to gather data and maybe try something different next time.
And if you're not sure where to start, I have some great resources below for getting more support, some ideas on completing the stress cycle and starting a journaling practice. As always, don't hesitate to reach out with any questions!
