I had a pretty easy time writing the second half of this email about how to cope during these terrible times. It’s my training and my expertise, and I talk about this to clients all the time. But I had a much harder time writing the intro about what’s actually going on in the world.
Watching what has been happening this past week has been beyond heartbreaking. First the terror, then the death tolls, the anti-semitism, the anti-Muslim attacks, and lastly, knowing there is a very long road ahead.
I’m a Jewish person who has always worn that badge proudly. Over the past weeks, I’ve been both horrified and terrified, for my own family and for our entire community (which is a small one - we only make up 0.2% of the world’s population). The text chains were long between the Jewish moms about if we’d send our kids to school or not. And I worried about our businesses – would someone, knowing we're Jewish, vandalize one of the pizzerias? I ended up sending my kids to school, and we also ended up going through with the pizza party that was scheduled at our Upper East Side location. You can be scared and brave at the same time, as the idea goes. And it ended up being a very bright spot where I could hug friends and be in community.
I’m also a human whose heart breaks seeing the horror and the death toll rise in Gaza. No children should suffer like the suffering we're seeing.
And lastly, my heart is fully shattered at the divisiveness that has spread. When I’m scrolling social media, I feel like people are being forced into picking a side, and even the most casual social media users have suddenly become experts in geopolitics.
Honestly, I am not an expert in geopolitics. But I have been having many conversations with friends, family, and clients about what we actually can do for ourselves to help us cope with these terrible times.
So here it goes:
- Check in on each other
- If you don’t know what to say, here are a few scripts:
“Thinking of you in this terrible mess. Hope you’re hanging in.”
“I’m so sorry about what is happening in the world. Sending all my love.”
“I know that this is so hard for you. Want to meet for a coffee, walk, or hug?” (Making the concrete offer – always a A+ in my book)
“Do you want to sit in silence on the phone so you know you’re not alone?”
(This particular offer made me burst into tears in the nail salon the other day.)
- Protect yourself
- Social media is great for getting and giving information, but it’s also become a really hard place to be, both for the graphic images and the sharp division. Be there, if you can. Add to the conversation, if you want. But also make sure you take breaks. I have been deleting Instagram for chunks of the day, and checking back in morning and evening. A whole 24 hours would probably feel even better.
- Do what you can to help
- For many people, that means donating money to organizations. It can also mean doing good deeds in your own world. I saw a video of a soldier on the front lines. He was encouraging people watching to do a mitzvah (good deed) to bring light into the world.
- Get outside and do stuff
- Spending time outside is good for you, truly. Take a walk in the woods, sit on the beach listening to the waves. Maybe even go to the concert or pizza party that was on your calendar before all of this broke out. It might be hard to muster the energy, but you’ll probably be glad when you get there.
- Work
- Get your head back into work, if that’s available to you. Putting down the phone, turning off the news, and doing something productive that adds to the world can make you feel better instead of worse.
- Move your body
- Sleep
- So important for mental health. I wrote a whole newsletter about HOW last week. Click here to read.
- Cry in public
- Luckily, I live in New York City, the crying capital of the world, so nobody looks twice when you’re walking down the street with tears streaming. See the first bullet about checking in with each other.
- Speak your truth and also be an excellent listener.
- There is plenty of pain to go around. It’s not an EITHER/OR but a BOTH/AND. Share your experiences bravely, and also have open ears and hearts. There is no shame in shifting your perspective as this goes on. And [in my opinion!] there’s no shame in not saying anything if you don’t have anything to say. (See my comments on overnight geopolitical experts!)
- IRL hugs
- You might be on lots of text threads and messenger all day. Try to get off your screen and find someone for a real-life hug, conversation, or coffee. It helps. My personal hierarchy: in person> Face Time > phone convo > text message > social media.
- Stay strong
- I have a feeling that this is going to go on a long while, which is why it’s so important to use some of these strategies to keep you going - and to support the ones around you – for the long haul.
I hope this helps a tiny bit. In the meantime, sending lots of love.
