1 - AWARENESS
During this first stage of growth, you start to become curious about what's going on in your head and your heart. You know you're feeling unsatisfied with an area of your life, and you start to investigate what's causing the tension.
You've become aware of of the problem, and your own patterns and limiting beliefs that aren't serving you anymore. In some cases, you acknowledge that your stuckness may be impacting those around you - including people who care about you the most.
A few stage one examples:
- You aren't getting along with the people you manage at work, and your direct reports keep on quitting their jobs
- At home, you notice that something you say to your partner is triggering the same conflict over and over again
- You want to design a morning routine and get in shape, but every time the alarm goes off, you hit the snooze button
- For over a year, you've been really unhappy at the company you work for, but haven't started exploring new opportunities
- You're feeling disappointed in your dating journey, and noticed that you're dating the same type of person each time
During the Awareness Stage, you identify and name the problem without judgement, and begin to embrace reality.
2 - COURAGE
During stage one, you identified the area that you want to address, but haven't started taking action yet. During the Courage Stage, you start taking ownership and responsibility for the changes you want to make, and begin to move forward.
In many cases, you share with others about what you identified during stage one, and what you plan to do as a next step. You might even ask for accountability and support.
For instance, maybe during the Awareness Stage you discovered that you struggle with anxiety. After further reflection, you realize the only way you can address your anxiety is if you work with a therapist. So during the Courage Stage, you research therapists and book an appointment.
If you are in the Courage Stage, you are no longer complaining to your friends about your unfulfilling job. Instead, you are telling them that you have hired a coach and scheduled two informational interviews at companies you want to work for. Internally, you're starting to feel a bit lighter.
3 - BEHAVIOR CHANGE
Stage three is the stage where real transformation takes place. Most people don't get to this stage because they lack self-awareness, or are unwilling to take consistent action over a longer period of time.
People with higher emotional intelligence and self-esteem typically have an easier time operating in this stage. Part of this is their willingness to fail, and their ability to practice self-compassion when they hit bumps in the road.
During the Behavior Change Stage, your behavior consistently aligns with your new identity or the changes you want to make.
You're showing up every Tuesday morning to your workout class. Whenever you feel upset with someone at work, you take three deep breaths before responding. You're no longer going out on dates with people who are unable to meet your needs.
So why is behavior change so important for growth?
Great coaches and organizational psychologists live in the space of behavior change and theory. Different from trait theory, which is often subjective and focused on the qualities someone has, behavior theory focuses on objective and observable behaviors.
Behavior theory supports the notion that anyone can get better at [fill in the blanks] because most people can learn habits and routines. In other words, this is where we say: “actions speak louder than words.”
If you want to experience real transformation, you have to consistently change your behavior and walk the walk.
You don't become a great leader by practicing empathy some of the time. You don't become a runner by going on one run each month. And you don't become a supportive spouse by having hard conversations when it's convenient for you.
Real transformation is driven by consistent behaviors over time that support the goal you want to achieve.
. . .
Of course, these three steps are not meant to over-simplify or downplay the significance of the growth journey. They also don't speak to how scary change can be, and the amount of courage it takes to make the leap.
Change happens when you recognize that the pain of staying where you are is grater than the pain of making the change - and then decide you to take a bet on yourself.
And one final world: it's important to recognize that what's missing from this list is the reality of mental health, and how it can impact or impede someone's growth journey.
For instance, if you struggle with depression, ADHD, or an addiction, even if you genuinely desire to make changes, you might not be able to move the needle enough until you receive the professional resources you deserve to address the root of your challenges. Self-compassion is critical here.
This is why I'm a huge proponent of coaching and therapy at the same time. It's changed my own life, and I've seen it change the lives of countless clients and friends.
What is an area of your life that you're feeling stuck in? What stage of growth are you currently at, and what would it take for you to move to the next level?
Reply to this email and let me know - I'd love to hear what you're reflecting on.
