On October 21, 2022, I was standing on the sideline of a football field in Kentucky watching my dad and son coach high school football together. In the late stages of the game, a fateful play unfolded near the sideline. As players spilled out of bounds, my dad had his feet swept from under him resulting in a violent flip onto his head. From my vantage point, I watched as the scene played out, stunned as my dad shuddered in pain on the sidelines. Soon after, dad popped up and coached the remainder of the game. But something clicked in my mind. In a moment of clarity, I was suddenly reminded that our time here is finite, our opportunities are fleeting, and the precious bonds we share don’t last forever…
As a son growing up, football was a big part of the stories my dad and I shared. I loved to play the game and my dad, my coach, loved to coach. We tell and retell many stories from those years; some funny, some not so funny. The funny thing is though, I don’t think I can accurately recount the score from any of my games. As a dad, many of the stories we tell and retell involve times when Trent played sports and I was one of his coaches. Similarly, I don’t think I can accurately recount the score from any of his games. Some things we remember, some things we don’t.
Fast forward to the 2023 football season. As Michelle has recently commented, many coaches dream of coaching with their son, and often make that dream happen. Rarely, if ever, do coaches get the opportunity to coach a sport with their son AND grandson. My dad has talked about coaching with his family for years and this year another dream came true; three generations of Moellers on the sideline. (Coach T. Moe (dad), Coach Doc Moe (me), Coach Moe (Trent)). This fall was a very special time for me as well. After all those years of being coached by my dad, years of coaching my son, I was coaching WITH my dad and WITH my son. Surreal blessing!! Thankful I am!!
I am thankful for the time and memories with family while in Kentucky. I am thankful for the relationships formed with coaches and players and how they have enriched my life. I appreciate the opportunity to understand and participate in the lives of the players as they boldly endured the challenges of coming together as a team and developed difficult habits of success. I am grateful to have witnessed the unbreakable spirit displayed by players dedicating themselves, focusing their energy, and making each play an opportunity to improve. I am thankful to see the hearts of champions grow in young men as they demonstrated courage, determination, perseverance and hope. I am thankful for the inspiration provided by young men who, regardless of how painful, frustrating or embarrassing it might have been, kept “getting up” through circumstances in which others would have wilted or quit.
Oh the stories we will tell. And, the stories we won’t tell. I’m guessing the actual scores of the games will soon be lost from our memories. And, the fact that we were only one game shy of a perfect season will not BE the story, it will simply be the context of the story. The story will not, because we will not let it, be the anguish of a 1-10 record, the suffering and pain of summer practices, the teasing of other students, the frustrating and sometimes lopsided losses. No, we will choose to tell the other stories. We will tell the stories of brotherhood, courage, overcoming, building, growing, sharing, laughing and persevering.
Author Donald Miller argues that every great story has four primary characters; the hero, the villain, the victim and the guide. Typically, the hero and villain of a story have suffered similar adversity, loss and/or emotional pain. With similar circumstances, the differences between the two are found in how each responds to those circumstances…the choices they make. One, the hero, chooses to save others from the pain experienced while the other, the villain, exacts revenge in his/her attempt to selfishly “reclaim” what was “stolen.” The victim sees themselves as a helpless bystander with no control; submitting the outcome of their life to circumstances of luck (good or bad). The guide is one who has overcome adversity and uses the wisdom they have gained to build others up.
If you are totally honest, when you think of the story you most regularly tell yourself, or “hear” your subconscious telling you, which of the four characters are you in your own story? What’s the story you are telling yourself?
Erwin McManus tells us we live in our past through our memories, we live in our future through our dreams and we live in the present by our choices. We hold memories (and dreams) in our minds as stories. And, crazy as this seems, we get to choose the focus of the stories we tell; we choose the characters we have played, or will play. We choose whether to hold the gratitude of the heroes and guides OR the bitterness of villains and victims. Additionally, between the stories of our memories and dreams, we make decisions in the present based on how we see ourselves in both stories.
An attitude of gratitude is central to cultivating the fruit of empathy, humility, curiosity, hopefulness, faithfulness, and helpfulness. The Thanksgiving Season is an amazing time to check in on our attitude of gratitude. So, as we enter this time of year “designated” for thankfulness…
What are some things you are grateful for?
What are some stories from your past you might see differently through a lens of gratitude? How would you retell your stories?
What are some stories from your memory that sow bitterness within you? How might “retelling your stories through a lens of gratitude” change your feelings about those experiences?
How would you rate your Attitude of Gratitude? Why? What are some things you might want to stop doing? What are some things you might want to keep doing? What are some things you might want to start doing differently?
What are some benefits you have noticed for having an attitude of gratitude?
What are some of your daily gratitude practices or habits? What are some gratitude practices that might strengthen your attitude of gratitude?
