It’s Not Stress: It’s You |
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Are you stressed out? Of course you are…It comes with the holiday season, right? But what if I told you that a big part of your stress is self-inflicted? I’m not saying you are your own worst enemy, but think about it, most of us waste our energy and time worrying about things that we can’t control, and then ignore the things that we can, don’t we? It sounds crazy when you say it like that, but it’s the truth. You all know me pretty well. I’m not here to coddle you or give you some fluffy self-help advice. I’m here to give you facts, lessons I’ve learned in the real world, and in this case some ways you can take control of your life to reduce your stress. I know a lot of you are feeling stressed out right now. The holidays can be fun, but they also come with a lot of pressure and anxiety. We have to deal with family, relationships, work, finances, or maybe something else that you’ve been avoiding for a long time. But let me remind you…you’re not alone. It’s a sad fact that millions of people all over the world feel the same way you do and most of them are making the same mistake of stressing over things they can’t control. I know this because I feel stress too, just like you do, but over the years I’ve learned to see it in a different light. In fact, not long ago, I ran across a tweet from Jeff Bezos who talked about stress and how it develops from inactivity, but more importantly, how it can be overcome by simply acknowledging and beginning to address the issue. It was profound in its simplicity, and I was surprised how similar it is to how I’ve come to understand and deal with the stress in my own life. Think about it. When you have a deadline coming up, do you feel more stress when you’re actually working on it, or when you’re procrastinating? The same goes in our personal lives too. When you have a conflict with someone, do you feel more stressed out when you’re trying to resolve it or when you’re avoiding it? Regardless of the scenario, the answer is pretty obvious, isn’t it? The more we avoid taking action, the more we feel stressed, and the more stress we feel, the more we avoid taking action. How many times have you heard someone say, “I’ve had a terrible day, I just want to sit on the couch and do nothing”. That’s a clear sign that someone is in the vicious cycle of stress and inactivity. |
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When you have a problem in your life, it’s actually more stressful to pretend it doesn’t exist than it is to find a solution. Think about times in your own life when you finally dealt with an issue that was bothering you. Remember how good you felt once it was resolved? The good news is that the stress cycle can be broken, and you can reduce your stress without prescriptions, alcohol, or acting out and hurting someone. …it’s called taking control of your life. Sounds simple, but there is more to it. Taking control means identifying the things in your life that you can influence and focusing your energy and attention on them. I realize it’s hard to let go of things that you can’t control, but you have to accept that these things happen. However, like most other difficult things in life, proactivity is just the first step to improving your life. I understand that it’s not as easy as just changing your mindset overnight and being a new person when you wake up. Changing how you view and handle your own stress takes serious discipline and practice. But you need to trust me here, it’s worth it. Taking control of your life will make you more productive, confident, resilient, and fulfilled. |
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what does “take control” really mean and how do you start this process? |
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- Make a list of all the stressors in your life – this list needs to be totally honest and very specific, or this doesn’t work. Don’t just write down single words like “work”, or “family”. Write down the exact situations, tasks, or people that are causing you stress.
- Divide your list into two categories – the stressors you listed should be categorized by what you can control and what you can’t. For example, you can control how you spend your time, how you communicate with others, how you plan, or even how you cope with things. You can’t control other people’s actions, opinions, feelings, decisions, or outcomes.
- Focus on the list of things you can control – for each item in this category, write down what you can do to improve, change, or solve whatever it is. But you have to be specific and realistic. If your list is vague or unrealistic, you won’t solve anything.
- Learn to let go of the things you can’t control – for these items, think of two things…first, why you can’t control it, and second, how you can learn to accept it. But be rational and objective. Don’t get emotional with this part, but just focus on facts and evidence. Then, practice letting go of them. This one is hard because at first you will struggle and continue to worry about these things, so it takes active practice to remind yourself of what is in, and out, of your control.
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None of what I just said is easy, but it works. My goal is to always find ways to help. I care about each and every one of you and I want you all to be happy and healthy, but I also expect you to take responsibility for your own well-being. You have the ability to change your life, but you have to take control of it. This time of year can be tough for people for all kinds of reasons, and I know that. If you’re thinking of your own list and you’re not sure if something is within your control or not, then let’s have that conversation. |
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It’s time to start taking control of your life… But if this year didn’t bring any happy holidays for you, then the time to change is now. |
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You know where to find me. |
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I'll see you in the next one, |
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