How do we let go of forced creativity?
Elizabeth here.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm not sure I want to create as a singer any longer, but I have finally come to that place where I know that I want to consume more…more art, more music, and more wine (#seriously).
Emily and I have had so many conversations about the tricky feelings of sitting in a darkened opera house, watching a show, and wishing it was us on stage. The feeling of competitiveness prevalent in our 20s and 30s as young singers is hard to reconcile and undoubtedly exhausting.
It can be hard to admit those feelings - especially when we preach community over competition.
But here I am. Admitting my competitive nature.
And while it has served me in some things, it certainly made creating more difficult.
And it has taken a long time to get over, get around, move through those feelings as a singer, and learn to be in the moment and in the music.
Which is what happened to me when Emily and I attended to a performance of Der Rosekavelier last spring at the Dutch National Opera.
At the end of Act I the, Marschallin is alone on stage and …
"ponders her waning youth and the unhappiness of her forced marriage, perceiving the same in store for Sophie. When Octavian returns, he sees that the Marschallin is out of sorts and assumes it is from her earlier fear that he might have been discovered. But she is still thinking of the passage of time (a clock is heard chiming 13 times) and tells him that, very soon, he will leave her for someone younger and prettier. Octavian reacts with frustration, and the Marschallin turns him away. Too late, she realizes she has neglected to kiss him goodbye."
(1)
The music here is so damn gorgeous. Think big sweeping orchestral waves rolling over you and rocking you in your seat …. which was more than I could bear, and I started to sob.
Uncontrollably. Uncomfortably.
And it hit me that I was ready to shed the immaturity of competition and forced creativity. Shed the "what ifs…" and embrace art and music for what it could show me now and how it could lead me to understand life and the world just a little bit better.
So yes. I am now ready to stop worrying about what I could have created…and start consuming what other artists are creating so that I can be part of the larger equation of letting art reflect the life around us.
And I look forward to being more uncomfortable and out of control this year!
PS - Emily was very supportive as I ugly-cried that day at the opera and has had her own epiphanies, which you can read over on her IG
HERE
