Y'all. I blew it. Like, really blew it.

 

My oldest was so pumped to play soccer this spring. Like, he brought it up all the time and asked me when sign ups were repeatedly. So I was on the lookout for the email to sign him up the very first day. I remember I kept getting an error reading though.  I set my laptop down and called up the stairs to ask my younger son if he wanted to play too. He said no. I think in my head I checked signing my oldest off as done at that point, but I really should have filed it under “try again later.”

 

Two weeks later, my 5yo changed his mind… so I logged on and signed him up. No error message on the payment page. I checked it off my list.

 

Last week, we got a note from my younger son's coach about when practice would be. My older son asked me hourly if we had heard from his coach yet. For days. After a while I shifted from annoyance to self-doubt. I searched my inbox to be sure I had signed him up and saw that I had. January 23. Two weeks before his little brother. In a few days, we still hadn't heard anything… so I checked again and I looked closer this time. It was two weeks and one year before. I was looking at the email confirmation for last year's registration. I panicked and called the rec center immediately. There was nothing they could do. “Hello? Are you still there?” the staff member on the other end asked. My throat caught with grief, shock, horror, and shame. I found my words and begged her to place him on a team. There was nothing they could do.

 

That was yesterday.

 

This morning, my husband and I sat him down and told him. He wept as one does when hope is deferred. He had reminded me repeatedly. I had assured him it was done. He had done all that was in his eight-year-old power. And the person whose power he appealed to had failed him. He told me he was angry. I told him that made sense—that I would be angry with my mom too. He told me he was sad. I told him I was too. That I was angry at myself. That I was so sad for him. That I hated to let him down this way.

 

And you know what he said…? 

 

“I forgive you, Mom. I know what its like to mess up."

 

then.

 

this…

 

“I know that if God allowed this mistake, he has something else planned for me this Spring.”

 

My mouth dropped. We always say this when they're disappointed and try to model it when we are… when there's traffic or we get confused on the calendar or someone gets the throw ups right before we were going to take a trip. We want to train them to have eyes to look for how God is at work, especially during the moments when Satan might tempt them to believe he isn't—that he's forgotten them.

 

In the moment I failed my son, he looked to the God who never fails.

 

And this rescued me from shame.

 

Because look what at what God was doing. He used my failure to help my son practice forgiveness, learn reconciliation, to show him the humanity of his mom, to see humility and repentance practiced, to process emotions, to learn how to be disappointed, and to look for God's purposes in his pain. My son saw me fail, recalled how he had failed, and lifted his eyes to the God who doesn't.

 

I hope this story is an encouragement to you. Maybe it will just make you feel better about your own poor executive function. But I sincerely hope that it helps you be more grateful for the opportunities God gives you to fail in front of your kids… and also to fail your kids. Your humility in those moments will teach them how to grapple with their own humanity. Your repentance in those moments, your resistance of the temptation to justify or explain away your shortcomings, your validation of the pain caused by your error, all of those things are a powerful example for your child. And an opportunity for you to see God's love on display.

 

“I forgive you and I will not hold it against you.”

 

“I know God has a plan.”

 

One of my biggest fears is that my personal shortcomings would hinder the faith of my kids… but in his moment of epically failing my child, I experienced sweet relief, because at least this time, it didn't, in fact, it had the opposite effect. What did I learn?

 

My kids know that I will fail them. 

And they are convinced that God will not fail them.

 

I am expectant as we look forward to this spring and consider other options for his semester (we've been putting our heads together and are pretty excited). I know God will work in his heart as he cheers on his little brother at soccer practice and games. And he'll work in mine as I own my mistake again each time it comes up, as I claim Christ as my righteousness so I can minister to my son's pain instead of dismissing it with my own justification.

 

Thanks be to God.

 

He's always at work.

He never fails.

 

 

Listen, I want you to know how deeply grateful I am for a spot in your inbox. I don't take it lightly. Thanks for reading the words, buying the books, sending the encouragement, reaching out about events, and praying. Words fail to express the love I have for you email friends.

 

 

with humble gratitude,

 

You're reading the content from my February newsletter… in April. That month was bananas. I had to prioritize other work. Then by the time I got around to proofing it in March, it was Holy Week, and I didn't want to send an email then. So here it is. And that's okay. 

 

I'm trying to hold my boundaries with “work time” and it sees lately that there's more work than time. That put the newletter on the back burner as I prioritized contractual obligations. This is me modeling human limitations and boundaries I guess, even if it just feels like flaky weakness.

 

When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin

This book was an incredible encouragement to me that Christian fiction doesn't have to be low quality. It's an incredible story of a heart surgeon who learns how to keep living and opening himself up to grace and love after mistakes and loss. Phenomenal. And Free on Kindle Unlimited. Run, don't walk.

 

How to Stay Married by Harrison Scott Key

I loved this book. It's a memoir about a guy whose wife has an affair. I devoured it. There's a lot of language, but I loved it for how brutally honest it was. Truly human. It didn't play by any rules. It was wildly entertaining, and it left me with a lot of good questions about how I relate to people who don't have it together. Also fun was realizing halfway through the book that I know some of the characters. 

 

The Women by Kristen Hannah

This new one from Kristen Hannah wrecked me. It was incredibly well researched and well written. I've been learning about the Vietnam War alongside my boys as we study US history this year and I feel like this added a helpful layer of understanding. There were also some interesting considerations of worldview and suffering that I felt like built evangelistic empathy.

 

What Happened to You? by James Catchpole

One of my boys chose this book at the library and we have read it over and over. It takes place at a playground, where kids move from obsessively skiing about a little boy's leg to seeing him as a person. There was a helpful note for parents at the back that helped me feel really equipped to talk to my kids about people having dignity and the importance of considering how our questions might make them feel.

 

 

Our actions are dictated by what we love. They reveal what we love, sometimes even to our own suprise. We snatch because we love a toy more than our neighbor. We gossip because we love social standing more than God's way. We lash out at our kids when they're moving too slowly because we love being on time more than we treasure them as our littlest neighbors. This is a connection I really want my kids to see: that biblical transformation is about heart transformation, not behavior modification. True and lasting change is the result of re-ordering our loves. I want them to pay attention to what they're loving, and to see the dangers of loving the wrong things. 

 

As we read through The Story of the World Series, or The Hardy Boys, or watch shows or movies together, I will often pause after some argument or atrocity and ask my boys, “What do you think that person was loving…?” They've become pretty astute, and the answers are usually the same: self, money, power, control, and fame are among the front runners.

 

I feel like this has impacted their prayers that God would maintain his proper place as first in our hearts.

 

 

The Training Young Hearts Series is growing up! The board books have been so well received and loved, and now, you can deliver the same beautiful concepts to your kids through these storybooks aimed at 3-6 year olds (which is super exciting because you guys have actually been asking for this not knowing it was coming! YAY!) I'm so pumped up about the cover of this book and can't WAIT for you to see the internals! it RHYMES! You can preorder the book now, and get some great goodies!

A: We've got our fair share of this in our house. I see it as a gift and an incredible motivating factor. But I've got to be careful to use it in a way that causes us to rise together, not to pit my kids against one another. I've been so grateful that my boys love golf and that we can use Scotty Scheffler's competitive drive as a God given personality trait. The way we talk bout this in our family is that competition is a gift in as much as we use it to be the best we can be, and to invite others to be the best they can be. We use our competitive drive to love our neighbor and glorify God when we invite them to try their best or bring them along with us. But, when competition is lording victory over others or is rooting against others or putting them down, it's crossed into sinful territory. 

 

A: When I notice myself using SM in this way, I delete it. It's not life giving. It affects my brain, and actually adds stimulation instead of quieting noise the way that a step outside, a prayer, or a moment in God's word might. I would recommend making it unavailable to avoid temptation, and have a list of things that are actually life giving to run to when you need a minute.

 

 

 

A: Discipleship is sharing your life with someone with the intention of making them a disciple making disciple of Jesus. So does he do as much discipleship with them as I do? Absolutely not, because he doesn't live as much life with them as I do. I home educate, so I'm with my kids almost all the time. He has a demanding job, so he's gone a lot.

 

Because of that, we've tried to give him more formal and intentional routines with them so they see him as an intentional player in their spiritual formation. My husband reads a bible story with my kids every morning that he's home or able when he gets back from the gym (this takes 3 minutes). He leads our “How do we need God's help today?” prayer time in the morning, which takes about 5 minutes. He also prays with them when he is there to put them to bed. He has gospel conversations with them when he's around them, drives our family to church, and serves as an elder and children's volunteer there. My kids see him living as a Christian, and hear him talking about God and the gospel with them. But I am teaching them and parenting them and living life with them more. We are both shaping and impacting them, but I spend much more time with them. His time with them may be more intentional as he takes them one on one. I look forward to how those relationships evolve as they get older.

 

I'll be at TGCW24 “Behold and Believe” in June and will be on a panel on Saturday morning with Sara Walton and Linda Green, talking about the grace of God in different stages of parenting. I truly hope I get to hug you there!!! 

“At this point in my Christian life, I was seeing my own need for the gospel more every day. The depth of need I felt did not unnerve me, because I was coming to understand that the gospel was intended for desperate people.”

-C. John Miller

 

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!