First name / Friend,
The other day I was chatting with a friend who was feeling defeated by a recent dating experience.
Things had ended in an unfortunate way, and she was (understandably) upset by how this person had treated her.
She shared with me about the play by play from start to finish, recapping several moments where the person made her pause and question whether or not he was a good fit for her.
Eventually, we started connecting the dots between the moments of pause with the end result. I affirmed her by saying: “you heard those whispers all along.”
As she digested her experience, my friend grappled with her competing emotions - feeling gratitude for the clarity she achieved, and sadness that things went the way they did. In hindsight, she saw the writing on the wall.
. . .
My friend's experience is one that is so relatable for all of us: times when we've ignored the whispers and felt disappointed with ourselves in the end.
I first heard about the concept of whispers from Oprah on a podcast years ago. She shared:
“Your life is always speaking to you in whispers, guiding you to your next right step. And in many situations, the whisper is also the first warning. It’s a quiet nudge from deep within saying, ‘Hmmm, something feels off.’ A small voice that tells you, ‘This is no longer your place of belonging.’ Whatever form the whisper takes, it’s not a coincidence. Your life is trying to tell you something. Heeding these signs can open the doors to your personal evolution, pushing you toward your life’s purpose" (Source).
Whispers appear at work, in friendships, in business, in intimate relationships, with our bodies, and with strangers on the street. They are valuable sources of information that connect with our intuition and support our highest good.
But so often, we ignore the whispers. This can look like:
- Hiring someone for a job even though you had a weird feeling during one of their reference calls
- Agreeing to work with a client who you didn't feel energetically aligned with during your discovery calls
- Being intimate with someone you don't feel comfortable with
- Signing up for a spendy retreat that you're worried will be poorly run
- Getting on an elevator with someone you have a weird feeling about
[Please note: I have accomplished 100 percent of these scenarios].
So if whispers are like a superpower resource, what causes us to ignore these loving nudges?
Everyone is different, but here are four common culprits:
1 - The need to people-please
Very often, people-pleasing (when we sacrifice our own needs in order to seek safety or meet the needs of someone else) is the first thing that gets in the way. We don't want to disappoint the other person or appear unkind, so we say “yes” to things even if our gut is telling us “no.”
2 - Defaulting to growth-mode too often
This is a sneaky one. Sometimes the most self-aware and growth-oriented people struggle with ignoring whispers because they deeply value critical thinking as a way of life. You're so open to feedback and self-improvement that you assume every scenario is an opportunity for growth and learning. So instead of being selective about the times when you challenge your own thinking, you default to it every time.
3 - A lack of self-trust
All of us have had times in our lives where we've regretted our decisions or felt insecure about our abilities. Perhaps you've made bad hires in the past, and tell yourself that you're not that great at hiring. So when you have a concern about a candidate, you assume that your intuition must be wrong, and you hire the person anyway. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work out.
4 - Not actually knowing better
This one is hard to accept, but it's one of the most empowering truths about the human evolution. It's very easy to tell ourselves things like: “I should have known better” when things go wrong - especially if it's a repeat situation. While that's a logical thought, the reality is that we are always operating at our current level of consciousness and self-love. When you know better, you do better. And it takes a lot of time, self-compassion, and lived experience to know better - way more than you think.
. . .
When I reflect back on my life and the best decisions I've made, I know one thing is true: I listened to my gut and those quiet voices leading the way. They felt light (not heavy), and things just flowed - even if I felt nervous inside.
When I've said “yes” to the whispers that resulted in me saying “no” to something or someone that didn't serve me, I felt instantly empowered.
Whispers can lead to you finding your dream job, meeting your life partner, moving to your favorite city, and making lifelong friends. As Oprah said, they literally push you toward your life's purpose.
The more you build your confidence, the more you will be inclined to listen to the whispers. Each one will reinforce the amount of trust and respect that you have for yourself, and lead to greater intuition down the road.
This year, you're invited to slow down a bit more to breathe and listen to the nudges that are available to you. Make note of how your body feels. You are way more powerful than you think.
