When I was 13 I was jealous of Pamela Anderson. Baywatch was at its’ height and all the boys were absolutely infatuated with her. Pictures of her in that famous red bathing suit circulated the halls in my junior high. She was gorgeous, perfectly figured and a completely out of anyone's reach. Then society told me she was a slut and tbh I didn’t think much about her again.

 

Until the spring of last year when I came across her documentary on Netflix. I watched it, and I fell in love. Her vulnerability especially. I saw this as her greatest strength - you always hear that, but seeing it worn on such an iconic and recognizable figure really inspired me. I found myself identifying with her. She had had to reimagine herself a few times and had given herself the grace to do so. She had been sexually abused as kid, wasn’t afraid to share it and simply owned it as part of her story with no shame. She was a poet, sometimes I fancy myself to be one as well. She lived her life in love. She moved me. And I love her for her bravery and her honesty. I decided she was my new role model. During the month of my miscarriage I had been thinking about starting a newsletter. Someway to share myself and be vulnerable and be honest. And then Pamela announced that she was starting a newsletter. Boom confirmed. If she thought it was a good idea, then it certainly was for me too. (Granted, her life might be a little more interesting than mine, but who’s to say!)

 

Cut to September. I was working and my boss on the job, mentioned she was going up to Vancouver to work. I asked on what? She says, “Pamela Anderson’s cookbook”. I literally gasped, or may have peed my pants a little. I practically jumped on her and said, “Do you need an assistant?? I will literally fly myself up to help you”. She told me to calm down, and “No, sadly, she was hiring a local.” My heart sank a little, but she told me that they were only shooting the lifestyle shots up there and that they were coming back to LA to shoot the actual recipes part. I practically begged to be on it with her, accepting a much lower day rate because cookbooks pay less yadayadayada .. No matter to me. I was one step closer to meeting a living breathing goddess - and working on her cookbook no less!! Heaven.

 

So I did it! This month. I got to be the assistant food stylist on Pamela Anderson’s cookbook 💅. And it’s going to be beautiful! Vegan, because she is. And honestly, delicious. I didn’t know what to expect as far as the recipes went, hit or miss I figured although I didn't really care. But what a hit. I am inspired. She eats cleanly and roughly - what I mean by that is nothing is too precious. It's from the earth -  real foods, made well. She farms and gardens and pickles everything in sight. She makes real dog treats and beautiful body scrubs with herbs and brown sugar for her baths. It's how I want to eat and how I want to treat myself. I can't wait to own the book once it's released. Real props to Susie and Ditta (the photographer). I learned so much on this book, especially how sometimes it can be harder to make something already beautiful look magical. Food Styling. 

my iPhone, detail of Pamela's “Celebration Cake”, food styled by Susie

No, I did not get to meet her. She was tuned in daily via texts, photos etc .. but was busy having to be her fabulous - no makeup self - elsewhere. I was bummed - but more than once I told the writer to tell her that I said "Hi 👋. That I admire her so much ☺️. That she is my inspiration for my newsletter and that I love her so much 🥰 lol. I think maybe I'll meet her one day, I know I conjured her into my life once, maybe I can do it again someday. 

One week before Christmas I was walking Pepino around my dream neighborhood (in the mountains/hills above our house) when Jeremy called me very agitated. He said our landlord had decided to change our lease to month to month instead of the normal year lease. We paid very little and the landlord knew he could get more from our place if he could get us out. We hung up the phone and I spoke - out loud - “Universe, if it’s time for us to move, then this is what I want; 1. A stand alone house. 2. At least 2 bedrooms and bathrooms. 3. Charming, rustic/lots of wood. 4. Lots of windows. 5. Greenery when you look out the windows. 6. Lots of trees. 7. Parking and storage. AND Lastly - 8. I WANT IT TO BE IN THE WOODS!! (I figured if I’m asking, I might as well ask for everything I want lol).

 

I came home from the walk did some things and went on Zillow just to see. Mind you - we weren’t looking to move - like at all. We were set on staying at our place and saving to buy. I started scrolling Zillow and clicked on a house that looked rustic and charming. I immediately noticed it was definitely out of our price range but not by thaat much, so I continued to peruse it. It was beautiful, standalone house, right on Beverly Glen (that could be a problem, bc traffic etc), 2 bedrooms and 1 and half bathroom. Parking - which on Beverly Glen is huge plus. Rustic, charming, lots of wood and it looked like there was loads of windows And trees. It is on a mountain and it was IN THE WOODS. LOL. I sent it immediately to Jeremy and he said, “It’s out of our price range.” I said, “I know .. but I just want to see it.” So I made the apt. and the following day I went to see it. Two days later, I brought Jeremy to see it. That night Jeremy and I applied and submitted our rental offer, much less than they were asking. And the day after that we were notified that we had been chosen and the house was ours if we wanted it. We were pretty shocked. We had applied under the impression that we were not going to get it - we had figured we can’t lose either way and left it up to the gods, or in our case, the Universe. 

Our new house 🤩, on a mountain in the woods, built in 1922

This house belongs to Antoinette Bower. Antoinette Bower (born 1932, the same year as my father) is a British-American retired film, television and stage actress, whose career lasted nearly four decades. She was in shows like Star Trek and The Twilight Zone and has over 500 credits to her name. She bought this house in 1961 and lived here her whole life - alone. As of 6 months ago, she was moved into assisted living suffering from dementia. Her trustee, our new landlord, is a City of Hope neuroscience research doctor studying to find a cure for brain cancer - and her mum was Antoinette’s life long bestie. We moved in on the 27th of January where we were met this amazing doctor /trustee/ new landlord, who told us to make this home our own - do with it whatever we want and hopefully, we love it so much that when Antoinette passes, we will want to buy it and they can hopefully, seamlessly, just sign the deed over to us. A fairytale. Truly un-fucking-heard of in this town. 

Black and white photo of Antoinette that we are printing and putting in the bathroom

Out of every window I look out of, I see green mountain and tall trees. We hear owls at night and birds singing in the morning. My backyard is a path that leads up to the actual woods. We have space and it smells like eucalyptus outside. We have a house now, the kitchen has a vintage stove and we simply love it. My husband has always tells me that he thinks I am the luckiest person he’s ever met. And honestly after this manifestation, I actually believe he might be right. 

Jesse

This is a plug to go see Jesse Homer French's wonderful show at Various Small Fires. And it's also to brag that I had the privilege and luck of growing up surrounded by these paintings. How? Because my path crossed with Jesse’s daughter, Aggie (Agatha) when we were 7 years old. We met in elementary school and became more than sisters. Best friends and soul mates. Our parents used to say we were like two little old ladies, always giggling about something, dancing to 70's music or somewhere lost in deep conversation about who knows what. We were little witches. And we were little witches due in part to Aggie's mom Jesse. She encouraged us. She took us to stores like the Bodhi Tree on Melrose and the 3rd Eye on Ventura to buy New Age books and essential oils for spell making. Not once did she tell us we were silly or naive to think our spells were actually working. Between the age of 7-12 their house was my favorite place on the planet. Seeing her paintings all over the house and asking questions about them either to myself in my head or out loud to Aggie was always something discussed. “Why the cemetery? Why the flames? Who's that dead? More trout!” Lol. I loved that they were so different from my father's paintings. And for the first time I was no longer embarrassed for living in a house full of their parent's own paintings. Jesse wanted to now my dad and even invited him to some of her life drawing classes she hosted at their house. As a little kid this really pleased me. My father respected her very much. My personal favorite works of hers then were the life-size painted wood cutouts of familial dogs that I’m not sure have graced the public eyes yet, but just wait. And the quilts. God l loved her quilts. I learned here at there house that art could be anything. I also remember Aggie's mom never slept, she was an insomniac. Growing up I remember I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But what I did know was good was the sense of safety and well being that I always felt in there house - a feeling very different my own home. A rustic richness and warmth I could only dream of and look forward to on the weekends when I would practically move in on Fridays after school. Art everywhere you looked and the freedom to explore the nature that we were surrounded by in the canyon. And a clear glass fridge in the kitchen that I still aspire to have myself one day! This part of my childhood was epic and it is to my delight and no surprise at all to see that I was growing up among a giant. The show ends on Feb 17th and is not to be missed! 

Insomniac Mountain, J. Homer French

💘