Let's talk about power. Last summer in a conversation with my counselor, she said, "Celeste, power and anxiety do not play well together. The more powerful you feel, the less anxiety you will experience."
Boom. Take my money lady. She laid me OUT.
I thought and thought and thought about this (as I do) and then decided to put this theory to test, to practice it in my life. Vulnerable note: This is hard to talk about, but my anxiety revolves mostly around people in my life suddenly getting sick or suddenly dying. I'm very often in a state of monitoring and when my anxiety is feeling top notch, my anxiety manifests in obsessive hand washing, weird food habits and avoiding going out socially. (I'm checking in with my body right now, and I feel a flush of embarrassment even typing this.)
Therapy helped me understand this anxiety as rooted in the sudden death of my brother among other experiences related to illness. Even though it has a sort-of-valid explanation, it doesn't make anxiousness go away. I get very frustrated about my intrusive anxious thoughts. They regularly impede my ability to feel joy and be in the moment.
So after this conversation I decided to dig into the idea of increasing my power instead of decreasing my anxious thoughts or coping mechanisms. I worked really hard to embrace how I was strong enough to handle anything, even sickness or death, that might rear it's head again in my life. Which it will. It isn't about making sure it never happens...it's about making sure I knew I had the capacity to experience it.
I've got the power.
I'm happy to report that I'm actually doing better. Expanding my capacity and resilience has led to a more powerful, joyful version of me. (happy sigh)
As always, I’m rooting for you, and your power!