The biggest struggle that parents and partners bring to me about the ADHDer in their life is the constant LYING. The Struggle is Real
The combination of high intelligence and creativity means that our ADHDers can make up some pretty good whoopers. The worst part is that we fall for it every time. We want to believe that this time is different.
Why Do They Lie
They are not lying to be malicious or to hurt anyone's feeling.
They lie to save face. They are embarrassed and tired of letting people down.
People with ADHD have memory issues, time blindness, decision paralysis, feel the need to people please plus many, MANY more traits that get in their way and cause them to lie.
I can guarantee that the ADHDer in your life wants to do what is expected of them and they want to follow through on the promises they make. They lie because something is getting in the way and can't.
What Can We Do
The first thing we can do is acknowledge the lying.
After that we try to create an environment of non-judgment and empathy and begin to discuss the lying. (I know, easier said then done)
The hardest part is working together to find out what the road blocks are. Identifying what areas of executive functions that need to be strengthen and collaborate to create strategies that will allow support to be implemented.
This is not an easy task and takes a huge amount of patience. By taking the time and working with the ADHDer in your life to address these issues it will strengthen your relationship and MOST IMPORTANTLY gives them the confidence to come to you when they are struggling and BEFORE the need to lie.
It is A lot
It is a lot…. Parents and partners need support too. Change does not come over night. The process takes a long time but it is doable!! Having a coach helps you keep your eye on the prize and works with you along the journey.
Know that if you ever have questions or need support—I’m only an email, call or text away.
Warmly,
Amanda
