I forget sometimes…

 

Yesterday, I completely forgot about an important appointment. 
It was in my digital calendar, in my planner, and I even mentioned the appointment to a colleague during the day.  

But I got distracted by an unplanned event, which shifted my focus, and it was 30 minutes past my appointment time when I remembered it.

 

Enter: all the big bad feelings about forgetting something important

 

I also noticed that while I couldn't immediately fix missing the appointment (e.g., turn back time), my brain looked for something to fix. 

 

I read a book last year, Soundtracks, by Jon Acuff. In the book, he describes negative + unhelpful thoughts that his mind easily came up with when he was feeling less than. In my forgetful moment, I noticed that I was rehearsing an unhelpful soundtrack. I forgot an appointment. This is unacceptable + I should pay more attention. My need to fix this situation showed up by finding things in my home that needed attention. 

 

This is how my perfectionism shows up. It finds faults and offers criticism, rather than the grace I so freely give to others. 

 

Shortly after, I walked to the bus stop to pick up my daughter, something that I don't get to do often. She could tell I was thinking about something else as we walked home, and asked me what was wrong. I told her what happened, and what she said gave me all the confirmation I needed: “It's okay mommy. You are allowed to forget sometimes.” 

 

I find that my children have the most beautiful, yet simplest ways of teaching me a lesson. I gave her a hug and we kept walking. When we got home, I knew this was my moment to make a different decision than I would typically make. 

I made some tea, sat in my favorite chair, and curled up with a book. 

 

Sometimes, we want to fix situations by ‘doing’. But maybe the fix we really need is an internal one. One where we acknowledge our feelings + still give ourselves permission to be flawed , imperfect mamas. 

 

With love,

Toula