+ i was. surprised. someone took a picture of my grin, of my overwhelming happy. we ate a Carvel ice cream cake + i blew out candles with my long hair hanging dangerously close to the flames. i was surprised + happy + loved.
for the past 30-X years, i’ve been trying to get back to that place. not the surprise, not the ice cream cake—but the happy. the loved.
there’s a lot of pressure in our society to celebrate. BALLS TO THE WALL, GO HARD OR GO HOME, GO OUT + PARTY.
we're told: you MUST be happy. you MUST forget the past, look to the future, FORGIVE + FORGET.
but the truth is: even if we trick our minds into that, our bodies remember.
the TRUTH is: toxic positivity benefits no one. running from the memories is a flight response. ignoring hard or hurtful moments of our past to “keep the peace” is a fawn response. forgiving without repair damages our trust in relationships + keeps us from developing healthy, healing bonds with people we love + want to be with NOW.
as we heal, we learn that the goal of trauma recovery isn't to constantly be calm. it's not to erase hard moments or pretend we were never hurt. it's not to present ourselves as “societally acceptable.”
it's to live AS WE ARE, without shame, without judgement, without repression. it's to celebrate the path we are on exactly as we walk it. it's to show up as US, every day, without apology or pretense. each time we walk out into the world as US, we give someone space to show us as THEM. + that's how healing begins.
the best birthdays of my life have all been small + intimate. they have shown me i’m loved + cherished +, above all, remembered. that's what i felt on that day in 1993; that's what i strive to recreate now, in tiny moments with those closest to me,
i would not know that without awareness of my trauma; i would not have been able to begin recovery without the building blocks provided to me by basic knowledge of the brain + body's response to trauma.
if you're ready to dive into who you might be without this burden, too--come learn. on
Saturday, March 23rd from 2:30-6:30p, we'll take a look at the biological + physiological components of trauma, the 5 F's, + the ways in which we can begin to heal.
