Hi friends,
When driving back home, I started a new habit: Tuning up my motherly skills by playing a recorded video session from a parenting conference list that I bought two years ago but did not watch.
Each session lasts an average of 25 minutes. Since my commute is long, especially during Ramadan, this is perfect. I don’t make calls, send voice notes to my sisters, or listen to music until I finish one video (an example of effortful fun; check spark #2 below).
I am happy to report that I have committed for two weeks so far and have felt the positive effects already in my relationship with my kids. For me, these videos are reminders that I would never stop needing in my parenting journey. Reminders that my kids are young and that I can influence and shape them immensely, and that I need to remember this role I have in their lives and expect from them a lot but not too much that I mistakenly think they can be independent now, which we might rush as parents.
Listening to parenting podcasts or audiobooks can be your reminder. Reading a parenting book or joining a parenting book club can do that. The timing of this reminder is critical for me: on my way home. If I do this habit in the morning, I will forget the lessons by the time I get home. You need to strategically place these reminders in your life because, if you have a job, for example, being with adults all day could make you forget. Doing analysis and slides all day long could make you forget. Even if you are at home with your kids all day, doing chores and fulfilling duties could make you forget.
You could forget that you were not trained to parent at any school. While I believe in listening to our gut, there are many things we can understand and learn about our kids and ourselves that could save us years of pain and misery if we choose to expose ourselves to them.
If parenting was easy, we would not need these recurring reminders. We most importantly need them to remember we are not alone; many parents went through what we are going through, and many others will. At this moment, many are going through exactly what we are going through. That’s why Self-compassion is my word of the year. When I have tough parenting moments, it is my reminder to be mindful of my feelings, kind to myself, and aware that what I am feeling is a common human experience, no matter how alone I feel or how unique I think my experience is. These three elements (mindfulness, kindness, and shared humanity) make up the practice of self-compassion. It’s something you do not a feeling you have.
I hope you add parenting reminders to your life because life is too short to forget. And when you fail, practice self-compassion and begin again as soon as possible.
