Out of that misery, my best and finest gift began to falter. My best friend of 40 some years, this amazing physical body of mine, got sick. She let me know she simply couldn’t go on pushing, frustrated and unhappy. She collapsed, taking me down with her.
Man, we really don’t know how much we take our bodies for granted until they stop working for us. Mine had nearly stopped. I had major alarm bells going off; adrenal surges, crazy headaches, couldn’t eat or sleep, too weak to get out of bed- you name it. My body let me know she was not going to continue on the path of frustrated, angry, and feeling behind that I had chosen. I had created this situation.
In total desperation, I reached our to my trusted Creator to guide me. I rekindled the faith I had in Him and in myself and went back to my drawing board. I took out my trusty journal, and began to listen, write, review and listen some more. There’s nothing like a serious illness to give you time to reevaluate. It was a gift.
Do you know what I found? I was trying to live someone else’s life. I had created a life based on a story I had seen and admired in the media. I had set off on the wrong road. Thank goodness for the impositions of my loving Creator who took the time to derail me from that path. Through that experience, I signed up for a completely different job description and began again.
Before I could begin, I had one last very important lesson to learn. That was the lesson of rest. For a year, my body insisted on rest. My mind struggled with that. She took off all over the place, filled with reasons I should not, could not, would not, rest. Yet, my body insisted, and ultimately I learned to embrace rest, to trust in it and to allow rest in my life.
Rest friend. A reset and restart is a true gift. The beginners mind- fresh and open, expecting new ideas and joys around every corner, is a beautiful thing. We become humble, teachable, submissive, as a child. You know, because I’m sure you’ve been knocked down too. I embraced the learning that came from the gift of being knocked out and started again.
I flexed the faith I had in myself. I figuratively flipped on the light switch. I knew that I was capable and competent. I felt I was designed for more. I wanted to be and help in a bigger way. So I dug in, and from the mud and mess, I started to create a better life.
