Oh man, school holidays, am I right? My kids have been off school for 2 weeks, and it's been our most successful break in a long time. I came into this one armed with a loose routine, chores, work time and screen time, to lessen the mental load of a million decisions a day, and it's worked beautifully. But still, my head is frazzled, over-stimulated, crowded. I feel like the spinning cursor on a computer screen. If I get asked one more thing they know the answer to, my brain is going to freeze, and no amount of keyboard tapping is going to save it.
It's made me extra grateful that my main plan for these two weeks was to finish off my Evensong Quilt. It reminded me of my early days of quilting. Tiny moments snatched with beautiful pieces of fabric that didn't whine or fall apart if I cooked a nice dinner or took them to the park. They didn't grow weeds or die if I couldn't attend to them for a couple of weeks. They were my low maintenance friend, my beautiful bunch of flowers, my gentle encouragement to keep going, my evidence of something achieved.
Evensong is named after a beautiful poem, a nighttime prayer, by C.S. Lewis. I memorised it during those demanding toddler years, and used to recite it when the babies wouldn't sleep or when I couldn't sleep or when it all felt like so much more than I could manage, let alone succeed at. It was my reminder that I couldn't carry it all, that it wasn't even my job to. That I could let it all rest in the hands of someone else and sleep. That what I did in a day, no matter how invisible or imperfect, was enough.
Now that night is creeping O’er our travail’d senses, To Thy care unsleeping We commit our sleep. Nature for a season Conquers our defences, But th’ eternal Reason Watch and ward will keep.
I've been mulling over this poem these two weeks while I try to do it all. Give the kids a happy autumn break, finish a quilt, make fabric bundles to go with it, do all the usual pattern launchy things, plus a few extras I'm keen to pull off, keep up with emails, try to figure out what's for dinner now that the kids have snacked on all the ingredients through the day. At the end of the day, I have no idea if I've done enough, if I'm going to make it in time, if it's going to pay the bills, if I'm even working on the right things to make it come together.
Furtunately, you can't race a slowly stitched quilt. It comes together in its own time, without shortcuts. In fact, I often find the more anxious I feel about my progress, the more I turn to my phone for distraction and I'm slowed down even further. The only good path through is to embrace the pace. Relax my shoulders, set the never-ending list aside, entrust it to the universe, and be right there with my stitches. Just like falling asleep. The world doesn't need me to keep it turning, it's being taken care of. What will get done will get done and the rest will be ok. I can be here in this moment.
Evensong comes to the shop on Wednesday and I'm impatient to share it with you! I want to invite you to join me in the act of letting go some of that heavy load, trusting the universe that there is time for beauty, for joy, for rest.
See you then, Jodi. xx
Evensong
Now that night is creeping O’er our travail’d senses, To Thy care unsleeping We commit our sleep. Nature for a season Conquers our defences, But th’ eternal Reason Watch and ward will keep.
All the soul we render Back to Thee completely, Trusting Thou wilt tend her Through the deathlike hours, And all night remake her To Thy likeness sweetly, Then with dawn awake her And give back her powers.
Slumber’s less uncertain Brother soon will bind us —Darker falls the curtain, Stifling-close ’tis drawn: But amidst that prison Still Thy voice can find us, And, as Thou hast risen, Raise us in They dawn.
