I've been thinking a lot about martyrdom and motherhood.

 

For some of us, we call it service, but I think, at least for me, it may actually be slothfulness. It might feel like we're doing all the hard work ourselves, but lately I'm wondering if we're actually taking the easy way out. It takes us two seconds if we do a task ourselves… but if we involve the children, it takes way longer or might even result in some friction we'd rather avoid.You should know I'm making that face where I should all my teeth but I'm kind of grimacing, not smiling. 

 

Any other little red hens out there?

 

Bitter at being treated like the maid? Wondering how you got this full-time job of perpetual-picker-upper of messes you didn't make?

 

What if “serving” our children is more about doing the work of equipping them instead of doing the disservice of enabling them? 

 

What if being a “slave to all” isn't so much about laying our lives down by cleaning up after increasingly entitled children? What if it's more about laying down our idols of convenience, comfort, and identity (being essential and needed) and doing the hard labor of working ourselves out of a job.

 

It does your children no good for you to do everything for them in the name of Christ. To serve our children is to equip them. To lay down our lives as slaves for them is to lay down our idols and shackle ourselves to whatever it takes to cultivate their good and their flourishing.

 

I don't want my boys to grow up to become men who kick their shoes off and expect to be served because I, their mother, fostered that expectation. I want them to grow up to be men who are able to take responsibility for themselves in a way that doesn't feel difficult because they've been developing those muscles and doing those tasks their whole lives. I want them to see the needs of others and meet them because they've been habitually helping in their household since they were two and three years old.

 

Motherhood definitely requires sacrifice. Matthew 20:25-27 is such an encouragement to me as I lay my life and my desires down for my family, and it's a heart check when I have a bad attitude about it. But I am convicted that I'm often more of a Gentile (lording over them) when I am taking on the work instead of doing the work of equipping them. When I invite them into that work, it builds our relationship, and also builds their own muscles of service and responsibility.

 

 

 

with humble gratitude,

 

Given the subject matter of the body of this newsletter, I thought I'd share our laundry hangings with you. I made a schedule based on the needs/ rhythms of our family. On their particular day, I help each kid learn to do their laundry from start to finish. I will prompt them when it's time to move it to the dryer. My 8-year-old now does his laundry 100% on his own. My almost 6-year-old needs a little help with spreading it out on his bed before folding… but sometimes I have to say, “Hey, show me how you fold this.” and hang around to make sure he's doing it well and with diligence. My 3-year-old does everything but the actual folding (loading, turning knob, pressing start, transferring to dryer, starting dryer, getting it into a basket and to his room, and putting it away are all well within his realm of capability. We just have to work on diligence and he needs reminders of what to do next. I do a lot of celebrating his focus and his big muscles and able hands!

 

If they ever protest I say, “I want you to have clean clothes and to be able to wear what you want to when you want to, don't you? Developing this skill is a gift I am giving you, not a burden I am placing on you. When you leave this house, taking responsibility for your laundry will come so naturally to you that you won't be overwhelmed by piles or having to wear wrinkly, smelly clothes. You won't be stressed about it and you'll be a blessing to the people around you because you'll be available and settled. This must be complete before _____, you decide how long you want it to take… and how wrinkly you want these clean clothes to get in the meantime.” I usually am touching them or smiling while I say this. 

 

 Even when it's not their day, each of our boys completes a “laundry task” as part of their morning responsibilities each day. This could be helping with folding towels, bringing the hamper to the laundry room, loading the washing machine, transferring the wet laundry to the dryer, or pulling what's out of the dryer out and putting it into a laundry basket. This reinforces our “everybody helps” family mantra. Most of the time, it's quicker for them to do the task than it is to protest, and they end up hanging around longer if it's something we're doing together because I'll say, “I love spending this special time with you."

 

Here's a link to those laundry hangings! Every now and then, as our rhythms shift with sports or co-op schedules, I'll change up the days to ensure we'll be home more so my kids aren't rushed or overwhelmed on their laundry day.

1. Things growing outside. Hydrangeas. Gardenias. Vegetables.

2. Eating ripe blueberries off of our blueberry bushes.

3. Making homemade play dough with my boys and hanging out together while we mix the food coloring into the dough gallon zip bags, then playing together.

4. Walking to the end of our dock and back (it takes three minutes total) as often as possible during the day. 

5. Mini golf with my boys.

Y'all I ADORE this new series for elementary aged girls from my friend Bethany. Go grab a copy for the little girls in your life! 

 

It was my HONOR to endorse this book… and here's what I said:

 

“Delightful. Relatable. Entertaining. Accessible. True. Meeting Abigail in these pages felt like discovering a friend for the fifth-grade ‘new girl’ inside of me, who was desperately lonely and felt like she was blowing it at every turn. I am so eager to introduce Abigail and the Big Start Over to all of my elementary-aged friends so that they too can adventure with her, identify with her, and discover the incredibly beautiful and immensely applicable power of the gospel in their own very real lives, right alongside her. These stories about Abigail will doubtless impact the stories of their readers in a powerful way.”

 

Our oldest is really growing in responsibility. It's encouraging for me to see the fruit of investment now as he is able to get ready so quickly. But now, he has the frustrating experience of having to wait on less capable little brothers as they lallygag or struggle to get their socks and shoes on or buckle up. Anytime he expresses impatience lately, I'm using some variation of the above statement. Instead of  “Ugh, can we go now?!” I ask him to try, “How can I help someone who isn't ready?"

 

This has been really fruitful in a number of ways, but besides helping us get out the door more quickly, its helping shape him into a servant hearted leader.

The Training Young Hearts Series is growing up! The board books have been so well received and loved, and now, you can deliver the same beautiful concepts to your kids through these storybooks aimed at 3-6 year olds. I just got my copy and LOVE how it turned out. 

 

 “A delightfully creative and insightful book that teaches our kids that Christianity is not just about behavior change, but heart change, too.”

Simplifying biblical truth for children takes a lot of hard work, and Abbey has done it creatively, faithfully, and accessibly. Your Amazing Hands will help children to see the wonderful gospel story—and help parents to see gospel opportunities in everyday situations.

I Love the pre-order bonuses this go round, which include the sibling conflict resolution sheet (back by popular demand!) and a PDF Poster version of my FAVORITE page in the book (see below).
 

A: I sometimes participate. : ) We allow playful wrestling as long as it's in a place they can't break something (themselves or my grandfather clock). Three refrains that help with this: “We don't solve conflict with our hands.” and “We don't ignore people's pain.” and “If someone says stop, we stop.”

 

A: I feel this! First, you don't have to be “fun” to be connected. Showing up as your authentic self is important. Fun is something you have, not someone you are. Don't take on unnecessary shame by making this about identity. Some seasons are just heavier than others. Next, I would make sure that you would define “fun” within your unique personality. Maybe make a list of times you remember thinking “this is fun!” See if you can find ways to do those things more. Dancing? Gardening? Going for walks? Playing board games? Putt-putt? Another important factor might be outsourcing or asking for help with some tasks or decreasing your mental load by simplifying. You can also ask “how can I have more fun while doing what must be done?” For me, that's listening to music and dancing while I fold laundry or do dishes. However, if you find that you're always down or teary, it might be time to seek professional help by getting your hormones checked or chatting with a therapist.

 

 

 

A: This is a tough one isn't it?! We want our kids to have healthy boundaries and be good stewards of what they have, but we don't want them to be selfish, right? I think this takes wisdom, and so that's what we should focus on. We have “all things in common” when it comes into what's in our playroom, but their our toys that my kids do not have to share because my 3-year-old is a destroyer. I don't share everything with my kids, because that isn't good stewardship. They'll lose my valuable jewelry. They'll break my lap top. It's appropriate for us to have boundaries, and it's important for our kids too. If they're fighting over an “all things in common” item, then I'll ask if they'd like me to set a timer, or encourage one to find something else to play with. But often, I'll say, “only you can see your motive here. It's good to take care of your things. But we must also consider the command to treat others the way we want to be treated, and to consider others more important than ourselves. I'll leave it up to you." Then, I'll address the other child if it seems to be an envy issue, and encourage them to respect the decision of their brother. This definitely isn't black and white! Pray for wisdom and pray for the hearts of your kids.

 

I'll be at TGCW24 “Behold and Believe” in June and will be on a panel on Saturday morning with Sara Walton and Linda Green, talking about the grace of God in different stages of parenting. I truly hope I get to hug you there!!! 

I sat down with the boys and asked them to tell me everything they love about summer. We looked over the list, and got intentional about plugging those things into the calendar! We mapped out the good tides to ensure we did “Pizza on the Sandbar” as much as possible. We texted friends to make sure our weekly "Beach Pic Nic' night would be happening. We listed our places to play in water and play inside (for when it gets too hot) and posted it to remember our options. I told them what was on the calendar, and made sure they had a voice as far as activities go.

 

I also mapped out my summer childcare and plugged in my work goals so I could use it as productively as possible!

“Only the love of God in Christ tells us who we really are and transforms us into who we were made to be.”

-Sarah Rice

 

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!