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I hope I'm not putting anyone on blast here, but I got the absolute worst LinkedIn message last week, and I just have to share it with you…
Here's the “personal” InMail message I received on LinkedIn last week.
What do you think… would you reply?
Great experience comes Great opportunities
Hi,
I came across your profile and saw you had some great experience. At [business that shall remain nameless], we are currently looking for a Creative Quality Manager. We have competitive pay and a great culture. I know everyone says they have a great culture, but we really do have a unique working environment and a leadership team that cares about their employees.
I would love to talk with you more about this opportunity.
Thanks and have a great day!
Doesn't that just sound… great?
In case you weren't counting, the word “great” appears six times in that short message. Literally seven percent of the words are “great.” 😆
The funny thing is, the recruiter acknowledges the unoriginality of her message. But then she rebuts it with an equally unoriginal argument!
We can learn three copywriting lessons from this message:
Don't be vague. I don't know of a company that wouldn't claim to offer competitive pay and caring leadership. If you really want to pique my interest, tell me something specific, like “We'll pay for your gym membership” or “You could earn up to $65 an hour.”
Don't be repetitive. Especially with a boring word like “great,” and especially in a short message like this. Use as few words as possible to get your point across.
Don't “spray and pray.” The first rule of copywriting is to know your audience. Do you think this recruiter actually knows anything about me? (I mean, I do have some great experience, but something tells me she says that to everyone…) Even if you aren't sending a DM, you should target a specific persona in your writing. You might turn off a few readers, but they aren't your ideal audience, anyway.
P.S. I still have some openings for my VIP Day bonus offer. I'd love to give away all nine of these marketing gifts worth up to $577 each — just fill out that form to claim yours!
