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Expert Support for Parenting Your Teen 
or Young Adult
Resources For Parents & Providers
Special Mother's Day Edition
“Want one piece of Mother's Day advice?"

If you are a Mom (or a person that is celebrating a Mom) for Mother’s Day, can I offer one piece of advice: 
If there is something you want, ask for it. 
Ask for it. 
Clearly and loudly, ask for it.
(If you are not a Mom but a person that is celebrating a Mom, please ask her what she wants, what she really, really wants. And then do that thing.)
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Too often, Moms are told what they should want, what their mother’s day should look like. We ask Moms “Don’t you want to hang out with the family today?”. 
(Insert Mom guilt HERE.)
Don’t get me wrong. 
I love my kids. 
I love my family. 
Usually, I do want to hang out with them.
But, on a day that was invented to celebrate an entire year’s worth all the trillion daily things I do for them- every lunch packed, every pair of underwear folded, every trip to the grocery store with the plan of meals for the whole family for a week- what if I want to fill my cup up?
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Case in Pioint: This is a REAL email I got from Candeeland. If you haven't had the “pleasure”, this place is a cross between a McDonald Play Place on steroids and the candy aisle at a 7-11. In other words, the least cool way to spend a Mother’s Day IM(humble)O.
And here is the thing, they want us to have a good day. They want us to get what we want. 
So, what is the barrier?
We don’t ask. 
Brene Brown tells this great story about being mad at her husband when they were first married because he didn’t do anything special for her birthday. She was fuming, recalling this to her therapist who then asked, “Well, did you tell him what you wanted?”. She was stunned, as if it had never occurred to her that she could say what she needed to feel special and ask for it. 
Hard truth?
Unvoiced expectations are a breeding ground for disappointment and resentment. 
(I know. It burns going down doesn’t it? And, yet, you know it’s true.)
So do this thought exercise: 
What would it be like to tell your family what you really want for Mother’s Day? 
What feelings get activated? 
What might try to hold you back? 
And what might allow you to actually say it? 
(Note: I think this is a skill we need to practice all year long, but starting on this special day may help us do it again on another day, say on a Tuesday…then a Thursday and a…you get the drift.)
My husband often gets me these really beautiful (read: pricey) flower arrangements for Mother’s Day. They are gorgeous and stunning and also dead in a few days. This year I asked him to skip that (no, but seriously Dave) and put the money toward a massage. I love few things on earth more than a massage: it is quiet, it is relaxing and no one can ask me to find something they lost for one full hour. 
And because I will never ask you to do something I wouldn’t do myself (this is true of all my parent work btw), I think I am going to ask for the 80-minute massage. YOLO Moms. 
Moms are miracles. Ask for what you want. You deserve it. 
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If this doesn't make sense, please see the resources section re: “Parks and Rec”.
Treat Yourself,
PS: In honor of this special mother’s day email, all my resources are things I love 
that you may love too. 
Let’s give each other permission to ask for what we want. 
(I’ll be back later in May for our more traditional newsletter and resources.) 
I would love to add to my list- Reply to this and share one of your favorite things!
If someone forwarded this to you, welcome!
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