And here is the thing, they want us to have a good day. They want us to get what we want.
So, what is the barrier?
We don’t ask.
Brene Brown tells this great story about being mad at her husband when they were first married because he didn’t do anything special for her birthday. She was fuming, recalling this to her therapist who then asked, “Well, did you tell him what you wanted?”. She was stunned, as if it had never occurred to her that she could say what she needed to feel special and ask for it.
Hard truth?
Unvoiced expectations are a breeding ground for disappointment and resentment.
(I know. It burns going down doesn’t it? And, yet, you know it’s true.)
So do this thought exercise:
What would it be like to tell your family what you really want for Mother’s Day?
What feelings get activated?
What might try to hold you back?
And what might allow you to actually say it?
(Note: I think this is a skill we need to practice all year long, but starting on this special day may help us do it again on another day, say on a Tuesday…then a Thursday and a…you get the drift.)
My husband often gets me these really beautiful (read: pricey) flower arrangements for Mother’s Day. They are gorgeous and stunning and also dead in a few days. This year I asked him to skip that (no, but seriously Dave) and put the money toward a massage. I love few things on earth more than a massage: it is quiet, it is relaxing and no one can ask me to find something they lost for one full hour.
And because I will never ask you to do something I wouldn’t do myself (this is true of all my parent work btw), I think I am going to ask for the 80-minute massage. YOLO Moms.
Moms are miracles. Ask for what you want. You deserve it.
