This last week, I was faced with some old triggers and patterns that clouded my ability to see and understand the reality that was actually there for several days—a pretty scary experience for those who have had it, and all too familiar for those of us who struggle with mental health. Luckily I was able to turn to my best friend, sitting right next to me, and ask for help. She had come to stay with me for a week before making a big cross-country move. And while for us, it is always “see ya later, alligator” and never “goodbye,” being in the field of someone making tangible, locational changes in their life stirred up some shadows in my own wanderlusty heart. I thought I didn’t need to grieve “losing” her, because intellectually I wasn’t. But the pang of loss ignored fermented quietly under our morning walks, our snuggly movie time, and our long talks on the porch with wine and tea. The fumes of which began to take other shapes and affect me in ways that bordered on self-sabotage; bringing up old, sensational desires of striking a match against the material sense of security I have been working for and walking away down a dirt road toward a mysterious horizon. My relationships (to others and to my work) suddenly started looking sour, not “feeling” but looking. I turned to my friend and said “I don’t think I’m processing things well, can you help me?” And in her graceful, Venusian way she took my hand and led me through the maze of vines in my mind which threatened to bind me in falsehoods, until we found the magic, mossy stone which read: 

 

 

A deeply conditioning perspective of our western culture is that the grass is always greener. We want what someone else has because it is “better” or “more interesting.” Whether it represents something that we want to be or something we believe we lack, the seeds of discontent are sown by marketing efforts and our societal addiction to comfort. We are told that we are not enough of one thing, or too much of another, and it would behoove us to have “X” instead. Especially in the US, we have a competitiveness with our neighbors that spurs wandering eyes. We begin to lose focus on what is right in front of our noses: the abundance, the love, the joy, the process we are in. Because god forbid we find empowerment in the challenge, stability in the change, and peace with the discomfort. We forget that this whole experience is transitory. Nothing ever actually stays the same because it can’t, that’s just not the nature of our ever-expanding universe.

 

When it is time for a change, we will know it on a deep and consistent level in our body. How we choose to listen to that message is determined by our commitment to our authenticity. However, a desire for something because it is “not” what we have or where we are is empty of intrinsic meaning and can only breed further dissatisfaction. So, the comparison of someone else’s lawn to our own, or someone else’s journey, or whatever place of fortune they seem to be in to our own position negates the full and complex story of how our own lawn came to be the way that it is! Which inherently creates a sense of value because it has been your experience; the most invaluable thing in this life.

 

After the initiations of the last lunation in Aries—plus the eclipse doubling down on who we are and how we identify without the tired, old patterns of relating and taking action—we enter into a season of integration of this newness. With the New Moon in Taurus, we are invited to drop in to the felt sense of this new way of being. Whether you encountered challenges with your family, the folks you work with, or how you are showing up for the day, for the job, or for your purpose, those challenges created new patterns in your personhood and it is time to feel into this new expression.

 

 

Taurus is the sensual, appreciative, and tenacious first energy of commitment. What were the awakenings, arrivals, and actualizations that happened for you since the beginning of April? What are you ready to commit to with full body presence?

 

This moon conjunct the ascendant deepens our sensitivity and the desire to share our feelings and find partnership. Sextile Saturn in Pisces, we have the emotional maturity to do so with care and temperance. And loosely conjunct Venus, Jupiter and Uranus we may experience the pleasure of expansion and changes through the action we take over this new moon. During the eclipse we were invited to step into an indomitable version of ourselves, and the subsequent lunation provided the playground for that expression. Now, we have the season of Taurus and this lunation to settle into our new skin.

 

Taurus appreciates tangible, body pleasures. It enjoys working hard for treats, or working hard to create a treat. Wherever you are now, can you find a sense of sensuality? Especially if things still feel rocky or unsure, can you give your body a rest? What is one day in a whole year? In a lifetime? Enjoy the satisfaction that has come from your new way of relating and being. To do so is self-affirming, not all newness must be a challenge or a trial. Remember the feeling of getting new shoes as a kid? Perhaps you had a really cool pair of Nikes (me, I had some kind of obsession with patent leather mary janes), and you’d stop at every mirror to see them on your feet. Let this season be an enjoyment of your newfound self parts. 

 

Whether it's through a practice of deepening appreciation for yourself, or opening up to new kinds of relationships with others, love is the rich undercurrent of this season and one to be heart-forwardly indulged in. There is always room for improvement, there are still so many things happening that can be personally and collectively overwhelming. How can love motivate action? How can we find solidarity in love? Let this force inform your movements for this lunation.

 

 

Nature is a foundational force to which we must be receptive, interpenetrated with Cosmic Consciousness. When we try to lead it, we inevitably go astray and create chaos from our ego. It is there to guide us, as well as everything else that exists in the Cosmos, not the other way around. In human Design terms, Gate 2 is The Gate of the Driver as in the energy which moves us toward self-actualization through our receptiveness to it. Receptiveness is the root of response and of action. We must be available to a force for it to work through us. In the sixth line expression, Fixation, this can be expressed as an unwillingness to see the whole picture. However, when we consider the I Ching’s metaphor for line 6, we understand that the relationship between light and dark, fixed and fluid, is complementary. That the fixedness can create a healthy container for the fluidity. As a Human Design energy, we may experience this as the ability to be still in who we are for a moment, to be able to see the forest composed of so many trees.