Dear friend,

 

 

That's what I wanted to say last weekend as I spoke at Michigan's homeschool convention, but it didn't come out as profoundly as I hoped. (Why is it we never have the words we wish for until AFTER the fact?!) This idea, the release of perfectionism for a truly thriving faith – was at the core of all my sessions, whether on homeschooling, theology, or Sabbath. 

 

Perfectionism is the enemy of a strong spiritual life.

 

I don't know if I'm looking in the wrong places, but I don't see spiritual perfectionism addressed half as much as I think it should be. What I DO see is the quest for perfection among millennials (my generation): perfect, nontoxic homes; perfect childhoods (usually full of the things we wanted and couldn't have); perfect balance of work and home; perfect balance of spousal contribution; perfectly quiet “quiet times”. And if we can't have perfection, we grow anxious, angry, and discontent.

 

Perfectionism is prison. 

 

It's also a form of envy. Because we are limited humans, perfection is not available to us. No amount of control can achieve perfection in all the areas we wish it, and even if we DO achieve it in one area, we will fail in another – resulting in anxiety and anger (at least for me, anger is often the secondary emotion covering for anxiety; our marriage counselor pointed this out). So if perfection is NOT available, but I still long for it, will rearrange my life (and the lives of my family) for it, will get angry for it, will get depressed over it, will shame myself over it… am I not envying what I don't have?

Imagine a life, spiritual and physical, without perfectionism. Imagine enjoying a home that gets messy because immortal souls live there. Imagine enjoying your body as it is now because it's in progress and it's alive. Imagine enjoying your husband for who he is, even with his failures and flaws, because he is providing and trying in the ways he knows how. Imagine enjoying the day because the sun came up and the trees are green and there are flowers on the steps and God cares for you.

 

Imagine the beautiful life you have being enough.

 

Can you taste the freedom? It's there for the taking. Perfectionism blinds us to the “good” in “good enough”. Who told you perfect was better? Perfect doesn't exist outside of Christ. In this fallen world, there is but a shadow of perfection. There is beauty and excellence and goodness, but we miss them when we seek “perfect”.

 

“And Jesus said unto him, “Why callest thou Me good? There is none good but One, that is, God.” Mark 10:18

 

When I think about my children in the future, I hope they'll look back and see a mother who celebrated the small evidences of God's goodness rather than the places she felt He failed. I hope they are set up for a life free from anxiety, because their parents did their best to show them how to lift their eyes to the goodness of God. Life will assuredly hand them pain and suffering, as it does all of us. But I believe we can hand our kids the tools to navigate pain, trauma, and suffering with resilient faith. Faith that looks up rather than looks down. 

 

Notice that I am NOT trying to provide my kids a trauma-free life. That's not possible. That's perfectionism. I am seeking to provide them the vision and tools to walk WITH God through whatever challenges come. I protect from as much as I can, and I trust God will carry them through whatever else they face – because that's what He does for me. If He can carry me, He can carry them. Good enough.

 

The spiritually strong life begins with deeply rooted time with God. Not the perfect quiet time ideal, but the ongoing life in Christ of Word and prayer and Spirit, the kind of inner tabernacle that cannot be taken away. This morning as I read in Psalms, prayed a medieval prayer, and voiced my heart to God, my three year old son tumbled in wrapped in his fleece blanket. His hair still had dish soap in it from his sister's “help” the night before and he immediately began asking about 1) television and 2) breakfast. I parented through it, then returned to my Bible. Good enough.

 

Spiritual strength is not found in a perfectly curated, trauma-free, life. Strength is found by facing difficulty, by adjusting, by being flexible, by showing up again and again in imperfect circumstances. The spiritual muscle does not grow by thinking about faith or showing up only when it seems ideal. It grows by being stretched, maxed out. Spiritual strong people become so by letting go of perfectionism and holding on to the Perfect Savior. They are in process. They are imperfect. And in their imperfection, they allow Christ to sanctify them into something far greater: holiness.

I have so many new books from this week's INCH conference and used book sale! As you know, I read multiple at once so I am still working through Mitford, A Severe Mercy, and Sister Aimee.