Have you ever decided to skip the gym even though you know you didn’t have a good reason to? Or maybe you made plans with friends only to cancel at the last minute because you just didn’t “feel like it”? It’s sad, but this is a very familiar scenario for a lot of people. We avoid challenges and dodge responsibilities, and then wonder why a cloud of dissatisfaction hangs over us.
Why does this happen?
When we sidestep the hard work or whatever responsibility is required of us, we’re not just simply avoiding a task. Yes, that is exactly what it is on the surface, but you and I both know it’s more than that.
What we’re really doing is putting a ceiling on our potential. And deep down, we know it. That’s why guilt creeps in. That shitty feeling in your stomach and in the back of your mind is your inner compass telling you that you are way off course from who you could be and should be.
Ask yourself a question: Do you take the easy road because it’s comfortable? I can understand why some people say yes, they aren’t ready to grow yet. But if I thought that our community thought this way, then I wouldn’t be writing this in the first place. I know you want more. We all do.
So, now let me ask you another question: Are you really willing to push through the discomfort to reach a better version of yourself? We all know that our character is shaped by the challenges we overcome, not the challenges we avoid. The catch is that it’s not a comfortable process.
In previous newsletters, I’ve talked a lot about accountability and taking ownership of our actions and words. I talk about it a lot because it’s important, but here is the thing: taking true ownership means that you understand that the choices you make (especially the tough ones) are what defines you. Ownership is also about understanding that when guilt or self-disappointment makes you feel like shit, that feeling isn’t a random sensation.
When you get that shitty feeling, it’s a direct result of our actions or inactions. And while understanding a simple theory like this is easy, putting it into practice is hard. It requires consistency, accountability, and the courage to face yourself or others when you let either one down.
when was the last time you caught yourself dodging something?
Whether it’s putting off a challenging project or bailing out on a commitment, this is called avoidance behavior. The reason this type of behavior is so common, is because it gives people the false sense of having a quick out from a tough spot, but all it does is kick the can down the road until one day we finally trip over it. Studies back me up too. It’s a fact that when we duck out on life’s challenges, it leads to further stress and long-term burnout.
Here is another thing about avoidance. To overcome it, you need to understand why it’s happening. But that is easier said than done.
Why? Because avoidance is fear that is wearing a clever disguise.
Whether it’s the fear of failure or the fear of not measuring up to someone else’s expectations, it takes many different shapes. Sometimes it’s just as simple as avoiding a difficult conversation that you need to have with someone that is way overdue. (We all have someone like that)
But here’s the irony – the more we dodge things, the scarier they look, don’t they? At the same time, we also end up believing in ourselves less. It’s a dead-end loop that can spin us around until we’re sick. But the remedy is simpler that you’d think.
Confronting your challenges head-on will actually make you feel less anxious over time. That’s a fact.
basic tips to help overcome avoidance behaviors when you notice them:
Start Small – Take on smaller challenges before taking on bigger ones. This may seem like a no brainer, but it helps build confidence and resilience.
Set Clear Goals – Clearly define what you want to achieve and break it down into manageable steps.
Practice Mindfulness – If you know me, you know how important this is. Be present in the moment. This skill helps you deal with discomfort in a healthier way.
Get Support – Don’t go at it alone if you don’t have to. Even if you feel like you don’t get the support you need from family or friends (or even professionals), you know you have a community of like-minded individuals right here with you. In fact, you’re the very reason I’m writing this newsletter today…to remind you I’m here if you feel like no one is.
Reflect on Past Successes - I’ve talked about this recently. Remember what works! Then rinse and repeat, and you will see that you have the ability to become your own source of motivation.
In essence, overcoming avoidance is about embracing life’s challenges. It’s about not letting fear dictate our actions. I understand how powerful and gripping fear can be, I’m human too. But I choose to grow and learn from every experience, and in order to do that, I can’t be managed by fear…and I know you believe the same for yourself.
Now, before I close this up, I want you to take a hard look in the mirror. What’s that one task or challenge that you’ve been shoving to the back of your mind? You know the one. It’s the one that you’ve convinced yourself you’ll tackle “someday”.
You know I always say that today is yesterday’s tomorrow, so let’s make today that day to step up. Share what you’re avoiding, own it, and most importantly, understand why you’ve been avoiding it.
So here is my ask of all of you: Identify what you’ve been ducking. Maybe it’s a conversation, a project, or getting back into shape. Whatever it is, it’s time to bring it out of the dark corner of the back of your mind and bring it into the light.
Then, once you’ve shared with us, take the first step towards conquering it…whatever that looks like for your situation.
