-card pulled for yesterdays' full moon in gemini/sagittarius  moon deck cards 

I asked to live in the woods and I live in the woods. Somehow Jeremy and I are the luckiest ppl in Los Angeles. This house is a dream come true.

I learned in therapy yesterday morning that I’m really angry - and that it is OK. I have two failed pregnancies within 9 months and all I have to show for it is an extra 30lbs. On me. Thirty pounds is a lot. It’s a bummer. And I’m actually really pissed off about it. With that information, I also get to leave on my honeymoon TONIGHT. Like I am planning on sending this newsletter while I am on the plane to paradise! I am so fucking beyond excited with so much anticipation and the most joy for this adventure with my husband ! and at the same time - I also have to convince and reconcile with myself that it’s OK that I am going to look like I am carrying an extra 30lbs of skin on my body, not like a whale per se but more like a renaissance painting or touch of a Botero lady figure. 

 

So needless to say this anger/depression could be the /a reason as to why I started smoking pot a few weeks ago after nearly 2 years shy of not. Big “fuck the energetics of it all” energy, but at least not living in denial. Getting high makes it all feel good and numb - that - and I'm also just very addicted to the ‘medicine. I’m not going to be mad this time at myself for being an adult and choosing to do something that I know doesn't end well in my experience; instead I’m going to be a star joy and know this is a respite from feeling all the feelings I’ve been feeling and that I Am okay and I Am safe to feel them at my pace, on my own time. And having smoked a little pot at night after work to ease the shame doesn't make me a bad person. And I also know it's not sustainable so it also has to end again and will. 

I was asked to help cater a private elementary schools’ Grandparents Day earlier this month. I made 580 mini quiches and 300 tea sandwiches. I had nightmares leading up to it, but I delivered. I hear “that there’s even talk of ordering double from me for next year" 💅 pretty proud of myself. I know it’s not a lot, but doing all that work by yourself is a lot - for me. It turns out though, I am capable to execute an order like that and it felt really empowering to do so! I also got a really beautiful piece of artwork made out of the eggshells I used for the egg salad sandwiches. A beautiful eggshell lady head was born, making me think a lot about my own eggs in the process. 

Lastly, I want to share a recipe this month. I have been cooking a lot of dinner party’s at home since April and have really been enjoying myself. Feeding my people is really a joy and sharing food and time with them fulfills and nourishes my soul deeply. This last Sunday night I made a delicious ginger, lemongrass carrot puree and with the carrot tops I made a pistachio pesto that really knocked it out of the park.

 

 

1 bunch basil

2 bunch carrot tops

2 small garlic cloves

1/3 cup shelled pistachios

1 lemon, zest and juice

1/4 red fresno chili diced

Olive oil

Salt and pepper

Provechito

See you all in June ☀️

💘