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Expert Support for Parenting Your Teen 
or Young Adult
Resources For Parents & Providers
 
June 2024 Newsletter
 
"What if this is happening for me, instead of to me?"

When you or someone you love is struggling, it can feel impossible to imagine just getting through it, let alone the idea of feeling, at some point, down the line, that there was any kind of value in this struggle. The idea that something good could come from this incredible hardship can feel impossible to access in the middle of a tough season. 
 
And yet, so many families I work with share this sentiment:
 
“I hate that we had to go through this and we are stronger for it”
 
Regularly, I have adults, well into years of solid recovery and mental wellness, look back with some longing to moments of crisis. “As awful as that was, I felt so supported by my family”. Or this one: “During the hard times, we talked more about real things, our feelings, what was hard- it brought us closer together.”
 
Let me be clear: In no way is anyone wishing to go back to those moments of such pain, but simply acknowledging that struggle, hardship, challenge brings forth new versions of us and new versions of our relationships.
 
And if you are right in the middle of this- the part of the tunnel where you cannot find light from either the opening or the exit- first, trust that you will not always be there, and, second, what can you imagine learning from this, however far away that may feel?
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“What if this is happening for me, instead of to me?” 
 
And what I love about this question is that you don’t have to believe it or even buy into the idea, but rather just try to sit in this wondering: what might change, how might I feel differently, how might the exact same load I am carrying seem lighter IF, simply IF, I were to believe, even for a moment, that this is happening for me, instead of happening to me. 
 
One of the tools I prepare parents with at the start of our work is something I call “The O Reframe”. Inspired by the work of a brilliant acting coach in LA named Diana Castle (long story), “The O Reframe” asks you three questions. 
  1. When your loved one struggles, and you see it as an OBSTACLE how do you show up?
  2. When your loved one struggles, and you see it as an OBLIGATION how do you show up?
  3. When your loved one struggles, and you see it as an OPPORTUNITY how do you show up?
 
The situation is the same, the circumstances are unchanged, but notice how this reframe, this shift in perspective may offer a little space to show up differently
 
Because when our teens and young adults struggle, these truly are the moments of opportunity. 
 
An opportunity for learning, for them and us. 
An opportunity for growth in the faces of challenges. 
An opportunity to gain more awareness and insight, into ourselves as parents and people, but also for our kids. 
 
And aren’t these the tools, the skills, that all parents want their teens and young adults to have? 
 
The tough reality is that resilience doesn’t come from the easy stuff
 
These moments truly are opportunities, if we can only see them that way. 
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This is one of three skills in my Building Your Yardstick pre-module 
from my signature curriculum The Response Roadmap 
and I want to invite you to explore this, along with the two other tools.
 
Here is the 12 minute video (8 minutes if you bump it to 1.25) inside the companion workbook that will walk you through all three skills. 
 
 
I hope this helps you enter into tough moments with a little more confidence and a little more grace, for yourself and those you love.
 
To trying on a reframe,
Bryn
PS: The June Course + Cohort sold out and is underway!
If you missed out this time, 
grab your spot for September for the next round. 
 
 
 
 

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