“What if this is happening for me, instead of to me?”
And what I love about this question is that you don’t have to believe it or even buy into the idea, but rather just try to sit in this wondering: what might change, how might I feel differently, how might the exact same load I am carrying seem lighter IF, simply IF, I were to believe, even for a moment, that this is happening for me, instead of happening to me.
One of the tools I prepare parents with at the start of our work is something I call
“The O Reframe”. Inspired by the work of a brilliant acting coach in LA named
Diana Castle (long story),
“The O Reframe” asks you three questions.
- When your loved one struggles, and you see it as an OBSTACLE how do you show up?
- When your loved one struggles, and you see it as an OBLIGATION how do you show up?
- When your loved one struggles, and you see it as an OPPORTUNITY how do you show up?
The situation is the same, the circumstances are unchanged, but notice how this reframe, this shift in perspective may offer a little space to show up differently.
Because when our teens and young adults struggle, these truly are the moments of opportunity.
An opportunity for learning, for them and us.
An opportunity for growth in the faces of challenges.
An opportunity to gain more awareness and insight, into ourselves as parents and people, but also for our kids.
And aren’t these the tools, the skills, that all parents want their teens and young adults to have?
The tough reality is that resilience doesn’t come from the easy stuff.
These moments truly are opportunities, if we can only see them that way.