this is from the heart...
The Unplugged and Unmasked Retreat was everything I dreamt of, and so much more.
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“We're not abnormal.” -Kory Andreas and crew.
A fleeting spark of inspiration quickly transformed into our first Unplugged and Unmasked Retreat last weekend! Back in March, 24 hours after my retreat brainstorm, my “good impulsivity” found and booked a house…ok two houses, and shared the news with anyone who would listen. My brain has been consumed with all that this retreat could be since March.  Three months after my giant “what if," seven brave Neurodivergent humans entered a house of strangers for 3 days.  We toured the beautiful property, threw the bags in our rooms, enjoyed a mocktail, and wasted no time getting right to it.  I promised our participants safety, bravery,  authenticity, and lots of sensory awesomeness. Chef Ethan promised fresh bread, elaborate meals, and that all coffee orders would be created to meet expectations.

It will take far more than a week for the impact of this retreat to transform into the words I'm looking for, but just a few notes to start…
 
The DSM dictates that  Autistic adults have an “abnormal social approach.” Those words took up more than enough space, rent free in my brain. Other phrases slid into my thoughts on repeat, causing me to feel even more aware and disappointed by our world's massive misunderstanding of Autistic brains.  Words like “deficits,” “disability,” “inability,” “sensitive,” and “inflexible” danced in and right back out.  I woke up Saturday morning and journaled, “I can't help but feel like I need to comment on how abnormal we’re not.”

If you looked through the windows to see us there, you might have thought we were family,  friends, or a group of people sharing a college reunion weekend. You'd see us getting up early to eat together, laugh, share stories, space, and experiences.  You'd see reflections of joy, peace, and happiness on all of our faces.  Some of us chatty, some of us taking it all in.  You'd see tears followed by a parade of hugs, and more tears to follow.  
 
You'd see 9 people up long past sunset enjoying one another's companionship, stories, and unique gifts without a hint of awkwardness.
So I ushered the DSM inspired words that remind us of how “different” we are out of my head, and replaced them quickly with the word that surrounded me all weekend. Peace.
 
 
Peace was at the core of this experience, this place, and these people.  We joined this group in the middle of our own journeys to loving our brains and bodies.  All of us together because we had first felt the pull of “not enoughness” in this Neurotypical world.  But not here. Here, we found acceptance, sameness, and uniqueness simultaneously. 
 
I will share more about this experience when I am ready, but for now, just know that this weekend changed me in a way that is deeply personal and beautiful.  I will remember leaving this retreat sure that our world will have to change for neurodivergent humans to experience peace like this. I also felt sure that the retreaters and I could help make that happen.
 
Looking forward to sharing many more “Autiphanies” in future newsletters!
 
To my brave retreaters, this is for you…
 
I could fill a whole book with things that filled me with joy last weekend.  Brene' would be so proud.  But joy is the obvious emotion that I expected to feel here…I planned this!  This idea was my baby, and I absolutely knew that a weekend with all of you (talking about Autism) would fill me with joy.  
 
This morning, I am actually basking in awe.  I did have to look up this feeling this before the sun came up to make sure that was the right word.  It’s not a common one for me.  Brene’ Brown says “awe and wonder are often experienced in response to nature, art, music, spiritual experiences, or ideas.” In the midst of these moments, we can feel overwhelmed by the vastness of something that is almost incomprehensible-it almost feels like what we're witnessing can't be true-like we're seeing something that doesn't fit with how we move through and understand our everyday lives.”  I am in awe of each and every one of you.  I am in awe of your bravery, your vulnerability, your humor, your wit, your willingness to prioritize yourself this weekend, your knowledge, your work, your play, your families, your commitment to all that you do, your reading, your art, your interests, your history, your passion, and your intensity.  And frankly, it is refreshing (AF).  
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Instead of feeling drained of all life, I feel fuller”- Dom
“The retreat was honestly such a transformative experience in so many ways – it made me realize how unfair I have been to myself for trying to make myself small and convenient for the world. It really has helped inspire me to live more authentically in whatever time I have left. I’m not even sure what that means for me fully yet, but it’s a start!” -Dom
"If I had known I was Autistic in my early childhood maybe I wouldn’t have lost so much of that uninhibited free-spirit. God, how I grieve for that little girl. She was so much but didn’t yet know that she was “too much”. She thought everyone would obviously love her just because. She showed joy without restraint. 
Now, I am all restraint. Hold it together, don’t show that you’re breaking, take care of everyone else first. If you ask me for something I don’t know how to say no."
-Michelle
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"I am SO glad that I went, even though it would have been easy to make excuses and avoid something that felt that uncomfortable in it’s very essence lol.
I felt like I arrived on Friday as my tense, rigid, high-masking self, and left feeling like a new person. The groups’ vulnerability was key, Kory's included. I think that hearing about everyone else’s insecurities and seeing how brave they were all being allowed me to drop my guard as the weekend went by. 
I had so much more in common with everyone than I would have thought – I am used to feeling ostracized in groups and that just did not happen, at all. It was refreshing, inspiring, energizing. (And it takes a lot for me to feel energized by anything lol). I feel like I left with friends. Real, genuine people who I can talk to and be real with. And they live pretty close by! It has been a very, very long time since I have made new friends."
-Dom
a word from our chef...
(Ethan Andreas: chef, barista, graphics department, assistant, fact checker, public relations)
Oof, I am tired. Huge props to restaurant workers – they must have a muscle in their back that I have apparently been neglecting for years.
 
Anyway, onto the retreat!, You want to hear about the good stuff, right?
 
First off, everyone was lovely. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I genuinely enjoyed getting to know all of the people who attended.  The transformation from those initial awkward first-meeting hours to Saturday night's lively conversations on the screened porch was almost comical!
 
My primary focus throughout the retreat was on my wife. Was this a rewarding experience for her?  Was there anything I could do to enhance it?  Witnessing her lead the retreat was like watching a newborn animal – instinctively graceful, a natural in its element.  Her passion for discussing autism and creating a safe space for learning and connection was palpable.  And it was working.
 
The participants' initial reservations gradually melted away. They began to share their own stories and insights, and the breaks were filled with conversation and a side quest of exploring the surroundings.  What surprised me, however, was the intensity.  Many approached the weekend with the focused energy of a phD student preparing for a final exam - copious notetaking, thoughtful questions, and a genuine eagerness to learn and share.
 
Confession time: I've heard my wife talk about autism as an identity for years, and there I would be nodding along, feigning understanding. But the truth is, it never quite clicked. This retreat, though?  I get it now.
 
The participants were like a group of diehard fantasy football fanatics, each an expert on their own team (themselves). They knew their passions, their challenges, and their vulnerabilities with an openness and depth I hadn't witnessed before. They possessed a vocabulary for their experiences, a fluency in discussing their unique wiring, and a shared appreciation for the authors who captured their realities.
 
This camaraderie fostered a truly supportive environment. Everyone became a resource for each other, offering not just advice, but gentle nudges about the occasional (and sometimes hilarious) self-doubt. It felt like a masterclass in reframing insecurities – by the end, nobody seemed eager to leave (except maybe me and the slightly bewildered (uninvited) VRBO owner who was muttering something about the vortex (inside joke).
 
Contact details were exchanged with promises of future connections, and the feedback was enthusiastic with suggestions for the next adventure.  Until then, signing off, the slightly sleep-deprived but immensely proud spouse of an autism rockstar.
 
A follow up word from Kory: this is the first time in my entire life that a sportsball reference has landed.  Thanks Ethan.
THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS!!!!!
 
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Endless thank you's to our sponsors!  Bearaby GENEROUSLY sent us a massive shipment of sensory magic.  Their weighted blankets (we recommend the napper) are THE ABSOLUTELY BEST (and prettiest) out there.  Retreaters spent all weekend hugging their knot pillows!  Bearaby continues to bring innovative new products that I am so excited about.  They carry a heated AND weighted lap pad, and a weighted eye mask too!
 
Rainy Day Renegade was the first to jump on board with all the best ND affirming water bottle stickers!  Our “Neurospicy” crew couldn't wait to put these on our water bottles. 
 
Rise up Coffee kept us caffeinated all weekend long, and we are thrilled to have you in our community.  You have coffee loving fans for life!!!!
 
And finally, Calm Strips, for sending us all kinds of fun new sensory stickers.  We followed up your donation with a big order to support Arielle, the 16 year old Autistic Marylander who designed their new “Infinite Acceptance” stickers!  You're amazing Arielle!  (@allaroundarielle) 
 
 
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with warm fuzzies,
Kory
 
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