It was only recently that I saw this picture for the first time and gloriously gasped.
I was back in CT in the home I barely lived in and yet where most of my memories are from.
This is my mom, born under a Cancer Sun.
And me, an Aries.
There is a square between Aries and Cancer, a 90-degree angle that can be felt as awkward, tense, at times uncomfortable.
As I have learned to soften my fire, my mom has become more and more my home and water my haven.
Perhaps it’s simply the presence I feel towards time, however, never have I felt the change of seasons, every month with the Sun moving into a new sign as I have so far this year.
My emotions have been heightened since Cancer season began, feeling expansive and overwhelmed simultaneously; tears pouring freely often rooted in gratitude, allowing myself permission to feel joy regardless of whether I start radiation today, July 1st 2024.
I received my first ever tattoos last week.
They fit right in with my other beauty marks to make a triangular constellation as if they were destined to be together.
When the Sun moves into the sign of Cancer, she’s ruled by the Moon.
When the Sun moves into Leo (following Cancer), the Sun is the ruler. In many ways, our emotions are on stage this time of year-waxing and waning, like a waltz between the two luminaries, skipping from internal needs to external desires, sometimes feeling far apart from one another.
A Japanese legend says that the Sun and Moon used to love each other, but because of their time differences, they don't meet. So, God created the eclipse for them to meet, so that people would know that there is no impossible love.
I am flooded with so many memories pulling into the parking lot.
I smile with a naive giggle behind my eyes, a bit like this picture as I pass the doorway to the left that says ‘Maternity’ where my brightest North Star, Smith was born and whose life was quite literally saved inside, to open the door to my right that reads ‘Cancer Center’.
Life and death side by side, how poignant once again.
Cancer represents the home, our roots.
The home one sleeps in, under the covers and stars.
The home one nourishes within the physical body.
And the home one remembers through our ancestral stories told over and over again often by those who have loved us before we knew how.
It took me many moons to see that my mom has as much fire as I do and simply expresses it differently, in her time, in her way, very Cancer esc.
In medical astrology, Cancer governs the chest and breasts.
As succession would have it, Leo, which follows after Cancer season, governs the heart. As if to say, only through emotion can one truly love.
Cancer is also represented by the crab.
A bit of a hybrid; land and water animal.
Timing is everything when it comes to leaving their safely inhabited corridors underneath their shell to venture out into the weightless sea.
Highly intuitive, perceptible, arguably psychic if you will.
They would rarely admit to these gifts though.
Crabs carry shells to protect themselves after all!
However, their sensitivity is their superpower, only eventually though.
Being sensitive is uncomfortable especially when so many are so loud!
Learning how to trust whispers takes a leap of faith.
Only trustworthy friends have a chance of knocking at this door.
But once you are invited in, the warmth of the divine mother pours out and welcomes you home, back to your roots, water, where we all come from.
Have you noticed how many people in the workforce today are learning?
The patience required to hold compassion while someone is training is surmountable particularly when we are constantly in a perpetual rush.
I see it on the road, at the bank, in the store, everywhere.
Have you noticed this?
Everyone working seems to be ‘new’!
I cannot imagine the anxiety of learning publicly in the environment we have created today. Reminding myself daily that I too was once a beginner.
My mom has been an educator her entire life.
She is the reason that no matter how serious the bathroom need is, I still don’t use a handicap stall. She quietly taught me mindfulness and to consider others- very much a Cancerian trait- empathy.
The true light of cancer season though is learning how to care for oneself with compassion and a dash of intuitive nurturing. This month, I will be turning inward, grateful for my protective shell while being gentle towards my body as she prepares for a new one. New growth is ahead as the light of radiation washes away the good with the bad. Ushering in new stories and laying some of the older ones told over and over again to rest, forever. It’s time.
I see so much of me in this picture.
Not the little girl, the shining mom.
Glowing with excitement and passion for the love she has in this moment for life. And I see so much of my son Smith in me as this little girl.
Unaware, so happy and perfectly safe.
I have read that Breast Cancer is possibly linked to suppressed emotions. This would make sense. Cancer after all is the queen of emotions. And this is not meant to be triggering. If anything, Cancer teaches us to welcome triggers as if they were love letters gently reminding us where we still may be uncomfortable or bothered and simply ask, why?
This season beckons all of us to reach for balance between care and responsibility. The stronger we need to be to live up to our responsibilities, the more our roots need nourishment.
How are you nourishing your roots- mind, body, spirit, home?
I heard a powerful thought shared on the Move with Heart podcast which was Is this relationship causing you to break up with yourself.
This really landed as so often we look at words for their literal meaning when in this scenario, relationship could mean any way in which you are behaving that is not leading you to live from your heart. It is only through feeling and releasing our feelings that we will be free to live from the very center that keeps us here, alive!
To wrap this one up, I would be remiss to not mention how proud I am in this moment of La Saison, my team, our mission. 2024 has been nothing short of spectacular regardless of circumstance and we made it to the halfway mark breaking records after 17 years in business. I will be announcing a partnership next month that I believe will become a part of our legacy as a farmer focused catering company in Napa Valley.
You cannot have what you’re not willing to become vibrationally.
-Michael Beckwith
All flourishing is mutual when we are spreading our sparkles.
Cheers to the Summer of 2024- a time of reflection and revival.
And to Cici, my beautiful mom, happy birthday. Luv ya;)
