Every Woman a Theologian
— The Gift of Routine in Grief —
 
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Dear friend,
 
About six months ago Josh and I changed our work schedule. As most of you know, we co-lead Every Woman a Theologian (I am the founder/CEO, he is the COO, or chief of operations, and works closely with our accountant to handle the budget as well). For the last year or so we followed a half-day work schedule: Josh worked mornings while I homeschooled, then I worked afternoons while he taught math and watched the kids. After a year of this we found ourselves succumbing to a constant wave of anxiety. I was rushing the kids through the mornings, trying to pack everything in before 12:30 PM. Then I was rushing to finish my work by 5:30 PM. There never seemed to be enough time.
 
We switched it back to “whole days”. Mondays for Josh, Tuesdays for Phy, Wednesdays Josh, Thursdays both (when our mother's helper is here for a few hours) and Fridays for Phy. Of course we do some work on our “off days” – we have systems for the home and homeschool that make a few hours possible. Our new model frees us to fully focus on our responsibility – work tasks or parenting/teaching – without feeling like an anvil is about to drop on our heads (business owners can relate).
 
We changed this before summer hit, not knowing what was to come: our second miscarriage, Maple's diagnosis and illness, a dangerous incident with our kids, and manufacturing challenges with the ministry. In the midst of chaos, the system we created was a rhythm sustaining us, a pattern we returned to, a slowness we needed to survive the assault.
 
We did not have the privilege of taking off time in the midst of June aside from our weekly Sabbath on Sunday. There was too much at stake (and we are quick to take breaks when they are absolutely necessary and possible; this was not actually possible). When you can't stop, when the train is barreling down the tracks, how do you find rest in the midst of pain and grief and chaos?
 
The slowness of a stable routine.
 
Our world hates routine. Society makes it sound dry and boring. And yet we long for the results of routine: peace, stability, consistency, beauty, creation, and rest. Routine is only drudgery if you view it as a limitation. If you view it as the key to freedom, freedom is what you'll see.
 
And in grief, routine saved us. 
 
Every morning in June I got up and walked a mile. I came in and made a hazelnut Nespresso, Bible open on the table. After I read the passage and set out bowls for the kids to make their breakfast, I started the laundry, then took it out and hung it on the line. I dressed and did my makeup for no one but myself (because beauty isn't a parade for others, it's a way of expressing our created design). Little feet stumbled down the stairs as the sun streamed through the window, golden shafts of light across the maple floor. We cleaned the “zone” or area of the house designated for that day, the kids did their chores – dressing, making beds, emptying the dishwasher, picking up their rooms – then we'd sit on the hammock or the couch and read Farmer Boy and poetry aloud.
 
Nothing in that paragraph was world-changing. Except it was. Because routine changes MY world into a place of peace, I can sustain the pace and demands of ministry (and life) without burning out. Better yet, I can actually ENJOY this life I've been given, even in the midst of mourning.

 
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The routine must serve your season or it's not a routine worth following. You've heard me say “I don't plan for seasons I'm not in” – and that's true. I don't attempt to control the future, to plan for times and seasons I know nothing about. God will grant me the wisdom when I'm there, and no sooner.
 
But when I get there, I probably need to adapt to my new set of circumstances. I need to have rhythms in place that are consistent, stable, and require me to set boundaries with myself. 
 
I say no to caffeine and sugar in excess because I want to say yes to energy and sleep.
I say no to staying up too late because I want to say yes to more stable emotions.
I say no flying by the seat of my pants because I want to say yes to a life on mission.
I say no to really great opportunities because I want to say yes with the thing aligned with God's will for me.
I say no to impulsive commitments because I want to have space to read in a hammock with my kids.
I say no, so I can say yes. 
 
I have some new things I'm doing in July – commitments I'm making to walk in more restraint, to be more consistent, to experience more joy. I want to be fully here, fully able to enjoy the life I'm living, eyes wide open to the gifts, not just the losses. And this simple life of walks and herb gardens and reading books in the hammock and saying “no” to what society says is normal… gives me the eyes to see.
 
 
What Launched Last Week

Last week we released some amazing new resources – in case you missed them, here's what arrived at the warehouse and is shipping to you!
 
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What's Bringing Me Joy

  • Now that we're home for a solid month (no camping) I'm back to meal planning using My Family Dinner for most dinners - a freezer-to-crockpot model that has worked well for us. For lunches I like Fallon's Table meal plans and recipes for myself. This week I threw in my favorite maple scones from my Recipes from the World of Tolkien cookbook (they are molasses in the book. I use maple syrup).
  • Last weekend, Addie hosted a bible study for her friends. This was entirely her own idea and I let her take charge of the topic, questions, snacks, and schedule. I wasn't sure how it would go with seven girls age 10 and under, but they actually broke apart the passage, read it aloud, and discussed it like the little women they are! I was overcome with joy seeing them take such initiative. (She kept it simple by reading the account, and I helped her narrow down four questions to ask.)
  • If you have Aldi, you should know that their chocolate covered, peanut butter filled cookies make delicious s'mores (pictured below).
  • I was gifted a two volume set of Mansfield Park by Jane Austen in all their vintage glory. Hardback, green covers with gold. I can't stop looking at them! Thank you Amy :)
  • My instrumental bluegrass playlist is what's playing lately in the house, alongside some old Fernando Ortega albums. 
 
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1-3 John Online Study Started Today!

If you registered for our summer study, be sure to download the Circle app and join the community at the link we emailed you today! The reading PDF is located inside the Circle group.
 
for the awakening,
Phylicia
 
 
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PO Box 453
Petoskey, MI 49770, USA