I recently took 10 minutes to jot down a list of “shoulds” that were swirling in my mind.
Here’s what that list included, in that particular moment:
- Run paid ads for our products & courses
- Take on more coaching clients
- Write a book
- Do more to grow our affiliate programs
- Share myself more on social media
- Eat more protein
- “Spend more money to make more money”
- Update our websites more frequently
- Design packaging for our products so they can be sold commercially in bigger retail stores
- Talk more about why I love the products we sell
- Create thorough email marketing sequences that nurture people to enroll in the Viva La Vagina 2.0 Membership
- Hire someone to do my accounting
- Accept more podcast invitations
- Attend more events in the women’s sexual empowerment space where our products can be advertised & purchased
- Do trade shows
- Make more fancy graphics to share my writing on Instagram instead of screenshooting my Tweets & iPhone Notes
- Be more motherly & nurturing as a woman
- Be less particular & directive
- Have more plants in my house
- Eat less chocolate
- Invest in more female friendships
- Be more friendly to people I don’t know
- Be better at cooking, do it more, enjoy it more 😛
Re-reading this list now, it’s almost laughable how obvious it is to me that I DO NOT want to do many of these things.
I can also clearly sense the kind of space I was in when all these “shoulds” were alive.
I would describe the overall flavor as: I’m not doing enough in my business.
With a side of: I should be more domestic as a woman.
And a hint of some subtle changes I could make to better my health & energy. In summary: more protein, less chocolate 😆
If I re-wrote a “should” list right now, it would look quite different from the one above, which is literally from just a few days ago.
The reason I wrote this list to begin with was because I was feeling inundated with suggestions & voices that were not my own.
So I wrote down everything that I felt like I “should” do that day to empty out and reconnect to what I actually wanted to do.
The tricky thing with “shoulds” is that they are often things we WANT TO WANT to be or do.
Because they have “good reasons” behind them.
Like, I want to want to cook more.
I can think of a whole bunch of reasons why that would be beneficial to me, my relationships, and my life.
Everything on this list is something that I can see benefit to doing or being.
But unfortunately (or fortunately), “good reasoning” rarely moves me.
When it comes to desire, on the other hand - I am moved.
When it comes to desire - there may be some structures I create to support my action or transformation to occur, but there's no need to force or rationalize.
In many cases, the thing I desire starts happening on its own without a lot of conscious effort because life wants it.
There’s a feeling that something greater than me supports it.
I recently heard this question on a Huberman Lab podcast I listened to posed by Dr. James Hollis:
What in the world wants to be expressed through me?
And while I’ve heard different versions of this same question many times before, something about the specific phrasing of it this time around really landed for me.
I believe each of us is like a “channel” with varying levels of openness & sensitivity to certain frequencies.
The frequencies that we are most open & sensitive to, are the frequencies that express through us.
And there is inherent fulfillment in the journey of uncovering & aligning with what uniquely wants to be expressed through each of us.
Desire guides us on this journey.
And this is why the advice & concerns of others which can become internalized as the “shoulds” we hear within us are rarely the information I take seriously.
“Shoulds” and the advice of others are based on the rules & structures other people have adopted to shape the experiences they do or don’t want to have.
While there can certainly be wisdom contained within the advice of others, we must remember:
Their advice is what has worked for them in their journey of aligning with what wants to be expressed through them.
While you might have similar proclivities, sensitivities, & desires, you are a unique channel that is designed to express a unique set & combination of frequencies.
And thus it is your responsibility to discern what in the world wants to be expressed through you.
I have found that identifying the difference between what “should” feels like versus what desire feels like is a powerful barometer for this.
“Should” versus desire feels very different in my body.
And it is an ongoing medicine journey to stay committed to the path of aliveness & desire, since the list of “shoulds” can truly be written anew with each day…
For me, sensing desire always includes consulting the Voice of my Pussy.
Since desire is of the feminine realm of intelligence, of which Pussy is the Queen.
But hey - take this all with a grain of salt. I’m just sharing what wants to be expressed through me 😉
I hope it serves you in some way, and if you’d like to join me inside
Viva La Vagina™ 2.0 which is all about the Voice of your Pussy & desire,
click here.
(I recently had a new photoshoot done and there are some new pics on the info page 😇)
If this email moved you in some way, I'd love to hear from you! Hit reply and let me know :)
To your highest expression! 🥂
Courtney
P.S. You can read my other recent value-packed emails for free
here.
