Imagine you’re at work and a colleague of yours is not only sick, but recently lost a family member. Based on this little bit of information, you would really try to communicate intentionally and with empathy for someone like this wouldn’t you?

 

I’ll continue.

 

This same colleague has also not been keeping up at work and is underperforming (understandably) due to the physical and mental stress they are going through. When the boss noticed this decline, they ripped into this person at work and even threatened to fire them.

 

How do you think someone who is already on the edge would take that?

 

Now let me add another wrinkle.

 

Let’s say the boss just had a meeting the other day and was yelled at for the team’s lack of performance. The boss was told that if the team didn’t hit their goals this month, it would be the boss’s last month with the company. The boss also has 5 kids and aging parents to take care of, so that income supports a lot of people.

 

Then, when your colleague snaps back at the boss saying they are going to HR and will not stop until they get fired, this hypothetical scenario just doubled down and got even shittier.

 

So, who’s wrong here?

 

The truth is both of them are.

 

We interact with people all the time without knowing anything about them. Whether it’s someone at work, at the store, or at the gym, just think about how many people we speak with on a daily basis (even people on the phone).

 

Based on that, and knowing that you have no clue what other’s personal lives are like, wouldn’t it make sense to have conversations that are polite and respectful?

 

Yeah, yeah, in a perfect world, I know.

 

The basis of this newsletter today comes from a famous story about the climber and the man stuck under a rock. If you haven’t heard of it before, I’ll paraphrase it. A woman is climbing up a mountain but is about to fall and needs help. A man is holding her by the hand, so she doesn’t fall, but they are not making any progress. The woman sees a snake trying to bite her, so she can’t climb and make it easier for the man, and the man is pinned under a heavy rock, so he can’t pull her all the way up. The problem is that neither one knows the other’s struggles, so they get upset at each other, the man blames the woman for not trying harder and the woman tells the man the same thing.

 

It's a very simple but profound lesson, and it got me thinking about why people often criticize and judge others without even knowing them. The first thing I noticed is that there is a ton of research that shows that this kind of behavior is often shaped by our own experiences. Not only that, but some people who are critical of others do it as a defense mechanism to hide their own insecurities and problems.

We all know people like this. They’re everywhere. And let’s be honest, we’ve all had our moments. I’m sure we can all think of a time where we said something judgmental towards someone else and ended up being wrong and maybe even hurting the other person.

 

The key is realizing it in the moment.

 

 

 

There are a million studies and tips on how people can communicate better with others, and they all stress the same necessary qualities: empathy, respect, and understanding.

 

The tale of the climbers and the snake serves as a powerful reminder that everyone has hidden struggles. I have mine. You know what yours are. But by practicing active listening, being present, and showing empathy, we can have more meaningful interactions and build stronger connections.

Have you improved your listening and communication skills? Share your tips and experiences with this community. Your insights could be the thing that inspires someone else to make a change for the better.

 

Remember, every small step counts. We talk about the small wins all the time. Whether it’s pausing to truly listen or offering a kind word to someone, your actions really do make a difference in other’s lives.

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