Dear friend,

 

Years ago I went through a study by Brad Bigny on idolatry. I can't even remember the name of the study; we did it with a small group in our tiny living room, people packed in folding chairs and sitting on the floor, passing babies to and fro. I remember only one thing from that study and it's Brad's definition of idolatry: When the thing you love is threatened, you have a visceral emotional reaction to its loss.

 

This was when I realized just how much of a people-worshiper I was. That's what people-pleasing really is: people worship. It's not about pleasing people; it's about getting their approval, admiration, and applause. Pleasing them is just the vehicle. I wanted the approval of people, and when it was taken away, I had a visceral emotional reaction to its loss.

Anger.

Blame.
Defensiveness.

Offense.

 

At the time (now seven years ago) I was blogging and beginning to share my theology work on Instagram. Theology topics lead to dissenting opinions – some of them quite rude. These messages and emails devastated me. I could not bear to have my work, or opinion (whichever it was), crossed – it felt like a personal attack. And because of the volume of content and the volume of feedback, I was constantly being personally attacked. You can imagine what that does to one's psyche.

 

Brad Bigny's series flipped the script: I'd been blaming my emotions on the actions of people in my DMs: They were rude, they were offensive, they were intent on misunderstanding me. Or were they? What if the problem wasn't their rudeness, offense, and misunderstanding, but my incessant demand for agreement, approval, applause and admiration? Yes, their behavior was wrong. But their behavior was magnified by my idolatry.

 

I needed freedom from an idol of people pleasing. 

I often tell people that God called me to this ministry not because I was the perfect person for this job, but because I was the IMPERFECT person for the job. This work has forced me to confront the idol of my heart over and over and over again. It's a bit like I am the pestle and ministry is the mortar: the constant friction and pressure crushes me, but it also divides the sweet scent of Christ from the things He wants to remove. 

 

The only way out of people-worship, I've learned, is to worship Christ so wholly, so completely, that what people think and say becomes peripheral. I know this sounds like an over simplification, but the world's ways of conquering people-worship are usually just a new form of it. We're told to hurt the haters or clap back at their remarks, but this is just elevating our own ego above theirs. We're still playing to the people rather than working for the Kingdom.

 

Eyes fixed on the goodness of God will slowly dim the waning admiration of people. And - to our surprise - we are able to love people better when we are not intent on gaining their approval. We no longer lie about our capacity or our desires; we no longer try to preserve their feelings when it's unhealthy to do so. We can be honest, loving, strong, and kind, because their response does not determine our path – Jesus does. And we work for His approval alone.

 

This is freedom. I'm here, and I'm also growing in it every day. 

Last week I talked about reading great, old books - the classics that have shaped thought and culture through history. Many of you asked for a list of books to start with, so here's mine! I picked a few of my favorites from Mortimer Alder's “Great Books of the Western World”. I also recommend the podcasts Literary Life and How to Eat an Elephant.

 

The Well Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer: This is for those who want to give themselves the education they never had! She talks extensively about reading and what books to focus on. 

 

Homer's Odyssey: You can grab Philip Ryken's Christian commentary on the classics for the Odyssey on Amazon as well. 

 

Augustine's Confessions: This is actually quite readable; I read it during my daily Bible study time. City of God, written around the time of Rome's fall, would also be a good read. 

 

Dante's Inferno: A little tough to read; but this poem greatly shaped the cultural view of hell and judgment that we are theologically untangling even today.

 

American State Papers (for Americans): This includes things like Declaration of Independence, the Constitution and Bill of Rights, and The Federalist Papers.

 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: Any of Austen's novels are great, but this one is probably the most well-known and therefore, it's helpful to have a working knowledge of it. 

 

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens: Like Austen, any of Dickens' novels are a great read, and this was a close tie with Great Expectations for me… The Christmas Carol is a must, too. 

 

Animal Farm by George Orwell: Many would recommend 1984, but Animal Farm has been more impactful to me over the years - especially in spotting propaganda in online spaces. 

 

The goal in reading these, or any great (lasting/influential) book, is not necessarily to agree with it but to recognize its impact on culture, thought, and the shape of society. As thinking Christians, reading widely empowers us to spot these patterns and trends and realize their impact on the world, while also holding out the only “philosophy” that saves: the gospel.