I cried at the gym this week.

 

At the end of every 45 minute class, we end with a “finisher.” The Finisher is short, but it's designed to really push you when you're sore and tired. It's the sprint to finish, if you will. It's the give-it-all-you-got-because-there's-nothing-after-this bit.

 

Well, this week, on leg day, the finisher was a weighted wall sit. Now, you should know that I struggle with wall sits. They're one of my least favorite exercises. So when the trainer said “Grab a heavy weight and head to the wall,” I grabbed 20 lbs (a medium weight for me) instead of 35 lbs (like she asked). As we held these weights on the tops of our thighs, hands lifted in the air, the trainer walked down the wall. She inspected our form, kicking in people's feet that didn't have their legs at right angles. Finally, she made it to where I was. She stopped in front of me, looked at my quivering quads, and went to grab a different weight off the floor. When she walked up to me with a  17.5 lbs weight, I assumed she was coming to swap with me since clearly I wasn't going to be able to finish the finisher with weight I was holding. So naturally, I dropped my 20 so she could replace it with the 17.5.

 

Well, I misjudged her intention. She picked up the 20 I had just dropped, replaced it on the tops of my thighs, and stacked  the 17.5 on top of it. Now my tremoring legs became a literal earthquake. Category 5 shaking. “I can't hold this” I said. “LOOK AT ME, ABBEY! LOOK AT ME!" she said back to me. Well, at this point the whole line of wall sitters looked at her. So I lifted my eyes from my violently involuntarily jumping legs. “YOU CAN HOLD THIS!" she said confidently. And I did. It wasn't pretty. my hands did not stay up. I scooted my hiney up a few degrees. But I held it. And then I had a big fat blubbery baby emotional release.

 

30 minutes later my legs were still shaking. And my eyes were still pooling.

 

I would never accuse Brittany (this cutie trainer) of cruelty for stacking that other weight. I walked in the door of that gym to get stronger. She knew full well that I had already really pushed myself. I PR'd on every single exercise that day— picking up heavier weights than I ever had. And her reward? more weight.

 

 

And as she placed it on me she enabled me to hold it by calling me to lift my eyes to meet hers—the eyes of my trainer, not my torturer.

 

One of the primary ways that God strengthens us, transforming us into the likeness of Christ, is through heat. What we believe about his sovereignty, or his control over our circumstances, and his character, his goodness and love for us, has everything to do with how we respond to hardship and suffering. How often have we cried out for relief only for another wave of pain to come? How often have we been trying to make it to the end of bedtime only for the finish line to get pushed back by an untimely toddler poop? Have you experienced holding your breath until a weekend away when someone gets the throw ups and you end up not being able to go? Or on a larger scale, still breathless from one wave of grief, or processing a hard diagnoses when another comes?

 

In “The Problem of Pain," CS Lewis writes, “We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." Into the pain of those he loves, he, like my trainer is shouting “LOOK AT ME!” to find the source of our strength. And when we do, we are changed. 

 

I've been walking through the doors of this gym for 6 months. In that time, with no diet change, I have gained 2.5 lbs of muscle, and dropped 2.5% body fat. Every bit of that transformation happened under heat. It was extremely slow. And it wasn't linear. But the transformation is undeniable. This is so much like how spiritual transformation happens. It's showing up, looking to God to sustain us and strengthen us when we feel like we can't do one more rep of faithfulness. And little by little, he conforms us more and more into the image of his son. God's word tells us that he disciplines those he loves for their good, so that they may share in his holiness (Hebrews 12:10). You know why that trainer picked me? She loves me. She is invested in my transformation. In the same way, when the Lord allows the heat, rather than growing suspicious that he doesn't care, or that he isn't really in control, rather than despising the discipline, we can receive it, and look at him… look to him for strength to endure. 

 

“God always disciplines us for our good. He knows what is best for each one of us. He doesn't have to debate with Himself over what is most suitable for us. He knows intuitively and perfectly the nature, intensity, and duration of adversity that will best serve His purpose to make us  partakers of His holiness. He never brings more pain than is needed to accomplish His purposes.” 

-Jerry Bridges, The Discipline of Grace p. 328

 

A bruised reed he will not break. 

 

He knows our frame. He remembers we are dust.

 

 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 

Friend, God is not your torturer. He's your trainer.

He simply loves you too much to leave you as you are.
This changes the way we ask  “why me?” in suffering—from a place of self-pity to a posture of humble privilege.

 

 

 

with humble gratitude,

1. Feeding our Beta fish and watching his little fishy mouth open and close around the food. I mean, it's just thrilling for me.

2.  The way my youngest pats my head and says, “Good girl.” when affection wells up within him, just like he does our dog. 

3. Discovering my boys cuddled up together. There's plenty of conflict, but seeing them love one another produces a joy I can hardly articulate.

I used to be in the habit of prepping egg bites, but the texture was just, well, not awesome. Occasionally David will bring me egg bites on the way home from the gym from a certain coffee chain, and the consistency is JUST RIGHT. So, I googled a dupe, and it delivered. I doctored this recipe to be a little more macro friendly by making a cheese swap, using turkey bacon, and switching to low fat cottage cheese. But the texture is perfect. I microwave a serving for 30 seconds instead of grabbing a protein bar (or, let's be honest, skipping breakfast) and LOVE getting great nutrients without swinging through a chain. Note: even if you don't like spicy stuff, don't leave out the hot sauce. It neutralizes the cottage cheese flavor.

recipe here. <3

Listen, most of you probably scrolled past this. Duh, we all tell our kids we love them. But WHEN I am saying this is what makes it something to put in this category. One of my boys is right on track for what I know about ages and stages. There's a lot of bravado, exaggeration of skills and accomplishments, and fabrication for the sake of impressing. Now, up until recently, I had been correcting him each time. “Hmmm, that sounds prideful.” “Oh, that doesn't sound like the truth…" “Are you sure that's something you want to do?” But sometimes, I wasn't quite as kind. “Stop.” “What are you talking about?" “That's literally a lie…” My reactions, I noticed, led to his embarassement and shame. And they did nothing to curb these boastful exaggerations. 

 

So, I started to think and pray about what was really behind all of this: insecurity. 

It wasn't pride that was leading him to boast and exaggerate, it was the desire to be loved, admired, and accepted. And so, rather than correcting, which only seemed to be adding to the insecurity and hurting our relationship, I just started telling him how much I loved him. When he recently boasted to a friend, “Oh, I can do that way better than my dad.” I looked at him, smiled, and said, “I love you so much.” When he told his cousin that I wasn't allowed to come on the boat because I would scare all the fish away, I looked at him, smiled, and said, “I just love you so much.” And in the moments outside of those moments—when we snuggle in the morning or at night time—I'm reminding him of how and why we love him, and how and why God loves him. There's no way to earn it and no way to lose it. The more secure he feels in the love we have for him, the less, I hope, he'll feel the need to prove himself. 

 

Instead of thinking “I shouldn't boast.” or “I shouldn't exaggerate.” or “I shouldn't put others down.” That security, I'm praying, will lead him to say, “I have no need to boast.” or “I have no need to exaggerate.” or “I have no need to compare.” Why? Because he is fully loved by his mama and daddy, and even more so by his Maker. 

 

The cutest little feetsies are joining the TYH series! 

What are Feet For? officially releases Nov 1, but you can pre-order it now for 30% off! Also, if you order through TGBC, you can add on the rest of the set for only $25!

A: My two favorite secular parenting books are Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline and No Drama Discipline. There's a ton of common grace wisdom in there, and you can read with discernment, sifting through the content from a biblical perspective. But, I think the strategies and neuroscience information are super helpful for developing a framework to love our littlest neighbors well.

 

A: Not at all. First, when I share workout content on instagram, it's primarily to support my gym. The owners are believers and it is totally a ministry for them. If they tag me, I will share the post or story because I love them so much and I genuinely want to help them grow. Second, I  see SO many spiritual parallels and share like 2% of the connections I'm making there. Ha! Third, I'm committed to showing up as a whole person on SM, and my gym is a big part of my daily life. Lastly, I think celebration is really important. When I set a goal and hit it, I hope it spurs you on, just like seeing my friends grow and change spurs me on. I am celebrating the function of my body, not its form (growing in strength and endurance, not size and shape) and I hope that helps you love and celebrate your body too.

 

A: Be totally honest with your providers and at least one person in your family, and one friend. Ask for help. Identify your shame and cover it with Christ's righteousness. Encourage your spouse to get support from friends too. Eliminate anything that isn't absolutely necessary. Outsource things other people can do. Spend as much time as possible outside. Listen to City Alight all day long. Put scripture on sticky notes all over your house to protect your perspective. Ask people to pray for you. Hold out hope that things are not as they always will be.

For four years, women have been welcoming this resource as a companion in their journey through the grief of pregnancy loss and I'm still as humbled and honored as ever. I regularly receive messages from Pastors and lay leaders and friends using Held to care for others, women who are currently reading it, and folks who keep it in stock just to have on hand for when they need it. Thank you for purchasing it, reading it, recommending it, and for keeping it consistently in Amazon's top 10 books in “Christian Death and Grief Category.”

 

As a little birthday gift, would you take a moment to leave a review? It helps hurting women and the people who want to care for them find this book when they need it. And if you don't have a copy on your shelf, go ahead and grab one. I keep one in my glovebox and am still surprised how often I have to replace it.

So many of you asked for my last three carousels on Instagram to be made available in a printable format! So here they are!

 

 

If you print, laminate, or use these, please tag me on instagram so I can see them in action! Y'all's intentionality with your families spurs me on!

 

 

“Good parenting is about becoming okay with the fact that you are powerless to change your child. In fact, good parenting is about celebrating the fact that God will never put the burden of change on you." 

 

-Paul David Tripp

 

 

 

I'll save my best work and thoughts for this list, but I'll still be posting on the gram. If we're not connected there, I'd love for you to come follow along! Just click one of these “lately” photos below!