“I don't ever feel like having sex.”
I hear this every single day from clients. Not being aroused for sex is one of the most common sex complaints (if not the top issue) I speak to people about.
But did you know there are TWO different types of arousal? There is spontaneous arousal - you feel aroused, so you go seek out sexual behavior. Then there's responsive arousal. You start sexual behavior and arousal show up. Although media only shows us spontaneous arousal, we think more than half of the population usually experiences arousal responsively.
If you typically experience responsive arousal than you will rarely ever spontaneously be aroused for sex without sexual stimulus. You might find yourself saying, "I don't ever feel like having sex."
I'd like to offer you a simple swap. Instead of asking yourself, "Do I want to have sex?" begin asking yourself, "Do I want to spend some time to see if arousal shows up?"
The answer might still be "no" sometimes, and that's just fine! But what if this new question helps you lean into "yes" sometimes, and you end up having a beautiful, pleasurable, sexual experience, all because you swapped wanting "spontaneous arousal" for wanting "pleasure?"
When you want to experience pleasure, it is much easier to accept that you experience responsive arousal and simply start sexual behavior before your arousal is on the table.
A simple trade with great rewards.
