Try this activity.  

 

You and your partner each take a piece of paper and write down, “My Dream Sex Experience Would Be…” - Underneath this prompt, each of you can write all the adjectives, phrases, descriptions and feelings that you would love to experience in a perfect scenario.  After you are both finished writing, read your lists to each other (or at least the things you feel comfortable reading) and talk about how to make those desires come to fruition.  

 

Remember that fantasy is a language to describe our deepest emotional desires.  So if your partner’s list includes being tied down with leather cuffs and you aren’t comfortable with this particular scenario, think about how you can create the emotions associated with the act.  In this case, the feeling of full surrender.   Instead of being tied down, you may try requesting him to refrain from talking and letting you take full control of a sexual experience, letting him still get the feeling of surrender without being tied down.

The goal of this activity is to get you both talking about what you want to emotionally feel in sex. All of our sexual behaviors are driven by what we want to FEEL. However most sex advice focuses on the behavior, not the feeling. When you get to know what each of you want to feel, you can build the sexual behaviors underneath.